I wish I talked to my daughter about sex

My life is full of regrets. When I look back and see how I used to treat my late daughter, I usually feel the guilt of wasting her life. I wish I could reverse time. I could have made things right.

I was so harsh on my daughter. Whenever I saw my daughter with a boy I would beat her up and call her names. I thought by doing so I was helping her. I would lock her inside the house for days in the name of correcting her.

I never took my time to sit down with my daughter and talk about sexual reproductive health issues. I was so full of threats. I used to threaten her that if she came home pregnant or with STIs, I would skin her alive. I was trying to protect my only daughter. I didn’t want to be the laughing stock in the village. I wanted my daughter to finish school and become a better person in life.

I was so wrong by doing this. One evening I found my daughter lying dead in her bed. Beside her was a note written in capital letters.

“Dear dad. I did this because I was scared you would skin me alive. I was afraid of how you would react when you found out I was HIV positive and pregnant at the same time. I didn’t know how I would face you and face the world at the same time. I wish you could have told me there was a deadly disease called HIV. I wish you could have told me about the ways of preventing it. I wish you could have told me the ways of preventing pregnancy. I wish you could have just sat down with me and told me everything about sexual reproductive health. I know you wanted the best for me but I wish you were open to me dad. You made me fear you a lot and it was impossible for me to approach you and talk about these things. I love you dad.”

My daughter was only 15 years old. Now am all alone living with guilt. I feel like I killed my own daughter. I was ignorant. I never even realized that my daughter was becoming mature and sexually active. If only I was open and free with my daughter to discuss sexual reproductive health issues, I think my daughter would still be alive.

My message to all parents is that harshness is never a solution to solving any problem. It’s time we parents took responsibilities and started talking to our kids about sexual reproductive health. With the correct information about sexual reproductive health, our children will become more empowered on decisions they make in their relationship and health. They will know why it is important to protect themselves from STIs, HIV and delay pregnancy and seek services.