Am I cursed in love or are men just complicated?

Am I cursed in love or are men just complicated? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I’ve had several longish relationships, but they’ve all run into difficulties. Am I just unlucky, or are men much more difficult to cope with these days?

Unlucky

Chris says, 

Hi Unlucky!

There are two sides to every story, though most girls convince themselves that it’s their boyfriends who are to blame! But maybe you’re the one who’s causing all the problems?

You might be if you’re not investing enough time in your relationships or don’t make your boyfriends a priority.

Perhaps you’re always putting yourself first or insisting on having things your way. But someone who’s never willing to compromise is very difficult to live with. And your boyfriends will always feel that their needs aren’t being met.

Perhaps the way you think couples should treat one another is also causing problems, because traditional ideas about male and female roles don’t really work well in our modern urban society. So if you’re constantly being disappointed by your boyfriends, then perhaps your expectations don’t match today’s lifestyles.

Think back to whether your boyfriends have all said much the same sorts of things about you, because there’s usually a pattern to how we behave in relationships. So if they all complain about similar things, like you’re never around, or you don’t listen, then you might want to start changing your ways.

Perhaps it’s not the way you behave that’s the issue, but the boyfriends you choose. We’re most comfortable with whatever our lives were like when we were small. But maybe your parents were cold and distant? Or always angry? Or never around? So you choose boyfriends who are cold, controlling or unavailable because your subconscious is biased towards what you experienced as a child.

Perhaps you only date to avoid being on your own? Or lose interest when the initial excitement has faded away?

Perhaps you insist your boyfriends have to be perfect? Instead, try to see the funny side of each other’s flaws and to be more self-aware and flexible. Because if you think that you never make mistakes in your relationships, then you’re probably the problem!

All the best,

Chris