Fathers cannot be wished away

In a picture-perfect world, each and every family has a father, a mother and two lovely girls and two boys.

The six live in a big and beautiful bungalow in the outskirts of the city and laughter can be heard from their living room at dinner every single evening.

Perfect, I know — but the real picture in the real world is far removed from this.

In real life, many family set ups consist of single fathers and single mothers, and even when both parents are present, the unit is rather dysfunctional. But life goes on, as it must, and children are nurtured.

Today more than ever, myths about children who grew up without a father abound; that children brought up by single mothers lack in character. But the fact is that there are successful, well balanced men and women who never had a father figure.

For instance, United States President Obama was raised by a single parent — and look at how well he turned out!

Apart from being president of the most powerful nation on earth, he is a brilliant person, a good husband and dotting father of Sasha and Malia. A single mother can “become” a father, and juggle the roles of motherhood and fatherhood and try and raise her child the best way she can.

The downside is that there is a tendency by women to turn their older sons into the “man of the house,” to fill in the gap of the absent father.

But the truth is that mothers should not feel guilty about being the sole parent. She can choose to talk to her child (ren) when the time is right and explain why things are the way they are.

This is not to downplay the importance of fathers.

Fathers are important in bringing up courageous children. They tend to have this knack of looking at things from this unique angle and figuring tricky things out. And they mostly raise children to leave the brood and be self-reliant.

A friend once told me about his father, a 70-year-old respected village elder who once wished his own father was alive to help solve a problem.

He was sure that his father would have told him what to do had he been there.

This is indeed ironical because my friend considers his father as one of the wisest people he knew.

The role of fathers cannot simply be wished away.

You will realise that more often than not, regardless of how complex your life is, a father will somehow know what to do about a situation.

Today’s piece honours all the men doing their bit to be fathers to their children.

Men who choose to be present emotionally, physically, financially and even spiritually.

Men who wear the fatherhood mantle with pride and are not ashamed of their offspring, crooked, disabled or otherwise.

Men who will deny themselves that sumptuous nyama choma to get their young ones that milk and bread.

Men who acknowledge that one day they will walk with a stick and thus need support from their then able children.

And to the man who has been a great daddy to my two sons, I say keep on doing what you are best at — you are the epitome of fatherhood.

You know who you are.