The man they call ‘mother’

Rev Isaac Ndegwa        PHOTO: COURTESY

Kenya: They all come to him, hoping he will help lighten their burdens through his counselling and sound financial advice.

They refer to him as “Mother”, even though he is a man in his 40s, and they open up to him about the tribulations in their relationships and other spheres of life. Hundreds of single mothers, widows, divorcees and fatherless children have sought his counsel.

 To Rev Isaac Ndegwa, the urge to help  he says have been rejected by society came as a calling rather than as a duty.

“Pastors in many churches have concentrated on reaching out to the youths, the single and the searching and even sometimes holding seminars for married couples, but rarely do you hear an event specifically targeting single mothers and widows,” Ndegwa says.

He says this ‘forgotten group’ is hurting because of what they go through in terms of stigmatisation, victimisation and being falsely accused, making them vulnerable to exploitation by men.

Because of the difficulties they go through, the reverend says, many of these single women lose hope and easily get attached to any man, some of whom who take advantage of them, in the process hurting the women and their children.

PLIGHT OF SINGLE WOMEN

Rev Ndegwa has seen far to many of these  women turn to prostitution, drugs, alcohol abuse or crime, and this has driven his compulsion to help them lead  a normal life and be accepted by society.

He began by holding forums for  single mothers, divorcees and widows whom he gave  psychological support through counselling sessions.

He did not stop there; the reverend also offered  lessons on what he calls financial literacy and was keen to help his wards set up   income generating activities to advance   financially empowerment.

Rev Ndegwa, who grew up in Nyandarua County, has always wanted to help those who are considered disadvantaged in a rural set up and set his dream in motion  as a senior pastor with Full Gospel Churches of Kenya in Western Kenya.   This was where he got to hear first-hand what many single mothers go through.

“I came to realise that many single mothers and widows face a great deal of problems. They are rarely understood and when they are seen talking to a man, they are stigmatised as home breakers,” he says.

This lowers their self esteem.

 

DOCTORS ARE INVITED

“Some of these women may find it hard to provide for their families, so they become prostitutes. Their children may lack identity which also wreaks havoc in their lives and may if unchecked, could lead them to engage in deviant behaviour, such as crime.”

Ndegwa reminds society that such women did not apply to be in their situation, and the best thing to do is support them rather than judge them and make nasty comments behind their backs.

He says children of single parents are innocent and also need to be taught how to live positively instead of being viewed as outcasts.

To further his project, Ndegwa started Mothers Care Initiative (Mocai) Kenya four years ago. The organisation holds one-week forums where single mothers are taught about their rights, the law and financial literacy by various professionals.

The reverend teaches the women that if their lives are covered by labels like “I am a single mother” it is possible to change to another label like “I am an achiever” or “I am God’s special creation”.

“Words are powerful and very effective in changing situations when used in the right way,” he says.

Doctors are invited to address the stress and depression some of the women face, pastors help deal with the damaged emotions and spiritual needs, while bankers and insurance professionals teach on investments and accessing funds such as Uwezo.

The initiative started in Kirinyaga County, where single mothers would meet once a month, and has since expanded to other towns. It has benefited more than 2,000 women.

CHRISTIAN ARMY

In August, Mocai plans to convene a national conference of single mothers in Gichugu, Kirinyaga County.

Through his network of pastors, Rev Ndegwa, who is the chief executive of Mocai, has set up similar programmes  in Uganda, Tanzania and Zambia.

Through Mocai, single women and groups of children of single mothers are helped to pursue common goals such as applying for loans or investing.

“We are raising a Christian army among single women who are healed and empowered. Some go on to remarry.

“We have helped some women start businesses and educate their children. We have helped others to get their rights in form of denied inheritance from their in-laws,” says Ndegwa, who the women also refer to as ‘General’.

How does Mocai finance its activities?

Ndegwa says the the Christian-based organisation has no donors as they believe the members have the ability to rely on themselves. They collect money from the more affluent  members of the church, and exhibitors at the Mocai rallies also make contributions.

The reverend, who is pursuing a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology at Negest Bible College, is a single father of a 14-year-old daughter.  He and his wife separated  ten years ago, an experience that largely contributed to his starting the Mocai family that is also open to single fathers.

UNGODLY FOUNDATIONS

He believes that some of the disputes  in families are a result of a sin carried down through generations, and that repentance will stop them.

His work has, however, been disrupted by cancer diagnosed a few years ago, and for which he has sought treatment Kenya, Uganda and   India.

Ndegwa has authored four books; Triumph Over the Night Season of Life, in which he write about his battle with cancer; Living Free From Strife   and Woman in a Harlot. His fourth book, Presence of God, is largely theological.

Rev Ndegwa is working on his fifth book, Destroying Ungodly Foundations.

Mocai has 26 officials in Kenya working with a National Women Executive Council comprising women who have undergone the healing process and head Mocai chapters in various towns.

SUFFERING WOMEN

The Thika chapter chairlady, Roselyn Thuo, says their biggest achievement has been reaching women who are broken-hearted and suffering and helping them to recover. The mother of four joined Mocai two years ago.

Another beneficiary of the programme, Ann, admits to harbouring a lot of bitterness after her boyfriend left her when she gave birth to their daughter.

“I was left with a heavy heart and felt I had been given a heavy burden. Through the Mocai ministry, I have been able to stand on my own and even forgive him. We can now meet and talk,” she says.

In his work Rev Ndegwa has often faced the challenge of being the only man in the midst of large groups of women, something he says is sometimes frowned upon.

Mocai plans to build a retreat centre where people who have undergone marital strife can heal. Ndegwa says the centre will have a wing for children of single mothers and orphans.