Types of Kenyan mourners

There is a saying that states; Luos do not die, they rest in peace. And when a Luo rests in peace, there is nothing like a funeral or burial ceremony, but a 'celebration of life' instead.

Weekends in Nyanza region are synonymous with droves of people attending celebrations of lives with many of the mourners coming from various parts of the country and even abroad. The behaviors of the mourners depend on the places they have come from or simply where they stay. Here is a sample of the traits of the guests depending on their towns of origin.

Nairobians Nairobians of some little means attend the funerals with hired cars or some noisy Githurai 45 or Rongai buses. They will isolate themselves from the rest and start comparing Nai and shaggz. They will start complaining about how there is land wastage in Kanyaluo. "Nikipata plot kama hii Nairobi naezajenga rentals," the ones who live in bedsitters in Huruma with a monthly income of Ksh. 20,000 will be heard bragging.

The people from Nairobi behave like tourists from a faraway planet. Some will start taking selfies with goats, while others will be seen walking in the bushes trying all sorts of fruits and berries in the name of experimenting.

The noisy Nairobians are known to imbibe cheap whiskies and spirits at night in a secluded corner as they endlessly talk about how the city is better than Karungu. One of them will be found dead drunk in a ditch the following morning with his wallet pieces strewn everywhere around him. They are the most dangerous with the village lasses and you will see four or five of them vibing an underage girl away from the gathering.

Coasterians These are mostly people from the coastal city of Mombasa. They refer to everyone as 'mtu wa bara' even if you come from Nairobi. These mourners are the most humble and easy to maintain guests at a Luo funeral.

They travel in parties and do not break from the groupings whatsoever. They talk in Kiswahili sanifu and this baffles the villagers from Alego who have a difficulty in speaking the coastal language. Most of the time, you will find confused villagers whistling along to their accent since it sounds like music to their ears. When evening comes, they will unfold a mat and peacefully sleep as they wait for the burial day. The only problem is that you do not see them heading towards the bathrooms.

Kisumu dwellers

More noisy than the Nairobians. In fact, they are rowdy and indiscipline. Their ladies have embraced gender equality and misbehave more than their menfolk.

They get off the hired tuktuks and Kondele matatus and one by one scatter to the numerous chang'aa brewing dens in the village. They have an alcohol compass that will guide them even to the most discreet Mama Pimas who some of the villagers do not even know.

In the evening when the church ministers will be praying with the bereaved family and relatives, the mourners from Kisumu City will be heard yelling obscenities as they blow vuvuzelas from the maize plantations. Anyone who passes by them might get some headache from the stench of the 'holy herb'. A majority of them believe green fake K'ogalo jerseys and scarfs are mourning garments. They will even try to hijack the funeral programme with some nonsensical excuse like demanding for an Arsenal or Gor Mahia pastor since the dead was a die-hard fan of the two teams. What they do not realize is that they did not contribute even a single penny to the buying of the coffin they are busy taking photos of with their Chinese brand smartphones.

Mourners from other towns like Nakuru, Eldoret and Kakamega are always few and they find themselves absorbed into the groups that suit them. The braggados who own almost nothing will join the Nairobians, the quiet ones will go to the Mombaserians while the hooligan types will head to the green corner. The civilized ones will form their own groups and have a conversation as they compare their town’s levels of development, some politics and even sports.

The Arsenal die hard will talk about what Arsene Wenger must do to get Messi to The Emirates, while the Manchester United die hard will be talking about how Zlatan Ibrahimovic deserves the Balon D'Or ahead of Lionel Messi.