The debate about whether or not women should be free to wear minis raged at the lunch table yesterday until a male colleague summed it up by saying the reason some men tend to behave like beasts is because “men are not talking to their sons”.
That reminded me of a video clip I watched on Facebook a few weeks ago. It was a campaign for prostate cancer screening and the question put to a few young men was whether it was easier for them to go for screening or to say “I love you” to their fathers.
From their reactions, the prostate cancer test – which is highly invasive and uncomfortable – won hands down.
Eventually, the men all had to phone their dads and say the three little words. For some, it was quick and to the point – let’s get this over and done with. For others, it was like pulling a tooth out with pliers – slow and painful. Indeed, some could have walked to Mombasa and back in the time it took to get the words out of their mouths.
There is a problem, and it is growing. And if it is not tackled now, then in a few years to come, men stripping women in public might be the least of our problems.
Not talking
Yes, men are not talking to their sons, maybe because their own fathers did not talk to them so they have no idea how; or maybe because they are too busy changing the world and have no time to initiate that change at home.
And then, when those sons are arrested for being on the wrong side of the law, or become aimless adults, or repeat the cycle with their own sons, the society is left scratching its head and wondering what on earth went wrong.
Some may be asking; what’s there to talk about? Plenty – about respect for self and others; about cherishing sisters, mothers and other female relatives so that when they go out in the world, they can relate well with women in general; about God-given gender-specific roles. And much more.
Talking to sons is not something that can be done in one day, in the form of a lecture peppered with threats. It begins the moment that son is born and is a deliberate, active, daily endeavour.
It cannot be done through the TV remote control or M-Pesa. It means involving your son in your life, and you getting involved in his.
Here’s the good news: if you still have your son in the house with you, it’s not too late. As the world celebrates men today, you can take the first step that goes beyond merely paying his school fees.
Work with your son towards his development into a good man and make this year’s theme, ‘Working Together for Men and Boys’ a reality.
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