The couple in my office leaned in to listen to me thinking that perhaps, I was about to reveal some long-held secret about life that perhaps only shrinks know. I struggled to empathize with them and explain a few things. A couple of kids after getting together, demanding jobs and other life obligations had them in a bind. As usual, my intuition bell rang, and in the words of one of my favourite professors from way back Dr Anne Lawson, when something crosses your mind, say it.
And so it went: the ideal relationship is one where the couple don’t rush to get into childbearing or even to get married. Having time together is highly important in building a base between the two. The reason, as was told, had to do with the fact that once career and children come in (and in our Kenyan culture, other things like in-laws and the like), the relationship becomes a partnership and much less of a romantic romp together.