Mind games you will never win in a relationship

The modern relationship is nothing but a fierce power struggle. Relationships are meant to be reciprocal, but they always end up as a tug of war. Consequently, it creates all the ridiculous games and tactics we employ: We do not want to be the ones who call first.

We never text the other person first. We would be caught dead making the first move. We pretend that we do not care if our partners call or text us. We want to be the ones who break up with our partner first before they get the chance to break up with us.

After the break up, we want to be the ones who move on with our lives first. You deliberately take time to answer texts from your significant other because you don’t care that much.

The guy you gave your number deliberately takes a whole week to contact you because he does not want to appear too interested. The mind games are supposed to trick your partner into thinking that you really don’t care about him or her, but you know very well that you would not be fighting if you did not.

We are all employing the ‘principle of least interest.’ The principal of least interest basically states that power lies with the person who cares the least about the relationship.

The person who is not very invested in the relationship and who appears like he or she can walk away from the relationship at any time is the one who has the best bargaining position. It pretty much gives the upper hand in any relationship to the person who gives the least amount of damns about it.

You would think that dating a person who is transparent in his or her willingness to be in a relationship with you is a great thing, but the modern generation doesn’t want that. They would much rather play games. The principle of least interest is a pointless cause.

It only gives rise to a vicious cycle of interest and disinterest until someone decides they have had enough and walks away.

Why can’t you invest in a relationship where both you and your partner are mutually interested? Why do we have this unnecessary push and pull? There is no way to measure feelings. It would be very convenient if we had some type of device that could measure exactly how much the other person cares about us.

Unfortunately, we do not. We have no choice but to plunge head and pray that the person we love feels the same way. Because we are so scared of putting ourselves out there too much, we start trying to establish power and sooner or later, pride gets in the way of the progress of the relationship.

So, yes. If you care the least about the relationship, you hold all the power. But power is not happiness. Happiness comes from caring more, not less.

Real power is about sticking it out in the relationship, even if things get a little hard. It takes power to give your all in the relationship knowing very well that you might get hurt. Let your loved one know that you care a lot. Don’t lose yourself in the power trip.

@RoxanneKenya

Facebook: Nancy Roxanne