Are husband hating, morning sickness, and cat rejection all usual pregnancy symptoms?

A pregnant woman has hormonal imbalalnces. (Photo:Courtesy)

By Mirror

Please don’t think I’m going to bang on and on about being up the duff every week now… I’m well aware I’m not the first woman in the world to have a baby.

But I do have a few worries/questions/observations... and they say a problem shared is a problem solved, so maybe the same goes for worries/questions/observations…

1 What if the baby is allergic to cats? Will people judge me for operating a last in/first out policy even though that’s blatantly the fairest way of dealing with the problem?

2 This baby made me feel - and often actually BE - sick every single minute of every single day for well over three months.

Friends tried to console me by saying it was very Kate Middleton, but that only made me feel worse. My problem is, I’m a proper grudge holder.

When I meet the baby, will I be able to – for the first time ever - forgive? Because at the moment whenever someone tells me constant nausea’s a positive sign, as it means it’s a strong baby, all I can think is good because it might need to defend itself in a fist fight soon after arrival.

3 Will the baby be toilet trained when it moves in, like my cats were, or will I have to teach it to use the litter tray myself?

4 I thought pregnancy was meant to be a special time, when you feel closer than ever to your partner. So how come I literally cannot stand my husband?

The nicer he tries to be to me (albeit through increasingly gritted teeth) the more I want to strangle him. Listen for a minute… can you hear something? It’s probably him breathing – because no-one on earth has ever breathed louder than he does.

He’s subscribed to weekly e-mails for expectant fathers (for both of us because he can’t even do that right). Last week it said the baby can hear his voice, although as if underwater and obviously it can’t speak English yet etc.

There was a video attached, of some sap husband reading a children’s book to his poor wife’s stomach, so Mr H became obsessed with chatting to our baby. When I rolled my eyes he accused me of not allowing him access to his child - he’ll be dressed as Spider-Man swinging off Big Ben in a minute.

So I gave in. He bent down, waved (to someone who can’t see him) cooed hello a few times (to someone who can’t really hear him) and then ran out of things to say. Magical.

5 I’ve heard a rumor that you have to feed newborn babies every two hours – like, even during the night when you’re meant to be sleeping! Can you buy a special bottle that clips on to the side of the cot like the water-bottle in gerbil/hamsters’ cages so the kid can help itself?

6 And finally... nuff respect to all women who had kids pre-internet, or even before Google tried to predict what you were searching for mid-sentence.

So far I’ve been reassured about weird twinges, and discovered not only that my baby can’t telepathically hear my thoughts but also that I’m not the only woman to worry about that.

Plus when I typed in “Pregnant and I hate…” ‘My husband’ was the first suggestion that popped up.

Phew! And there were pages and pages devoted to loud breathing irritation!

Most experts said that pregnant women should try to take it easy on their partners because it’s actually hormones making us angry, not him, so really it’s not his fault. Still, even the internet can’t be right all the time.