Discover your partner’s love language

By David Wygant

You may have heard the saying ‘One type of medicine does not cure all diseases.’ Similarly, one type of language of love does not communicate love effectively to everyone.

Everyone enjoys getting a gift (which is one type of language of love), but I would not be surprised if you gave your partner a gift and they did not respond or react in the manner you expected.

You may, on the other hand, have tried to affirm (another type of language of love) your partner by showering them with compliments without much success in communicating love. You may also apply the power of physical touch such as a hug or kiss.

You may even go out of your way to communicate love by acts of service yet your partner still complains, “You don’t care, you never have time for me. When is the last time we spent time together? We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired.”

What your partner is trying to say is that their primary love language is quality time.

Meaningful time

Always remember that one tends to love in the way they desire to be loved, which may not always communicate love to their partner. So make sure you establish what your spouse’s language of love is and seek to be creative and intentional in its application.

Being available for your partner and spending some meaningful time together, whether it is on some adventure, an elaborate date or simply taking a walk together may be all you need to bring back the sparkle in your relationship.

Edward, in trying to make sense of his frustration, said: “Before we got married, my wife and I did everything together. She never minded going out with me, doing stuff together, regardless of what I was doing or where I was going. She had a way of turning everything into fun.

Good communication

Now everything has changed. She’s engrossed in her life, her children, her friends, her everything except me! Everything was always so good and exciting and we connected so well, but not anymore. We could spend hours together, just chatting or enjoying a delicious meal, watching a movie, taking a walk or simply sitting by the fireplace, we kicked back Saturday mornings, which is now a thing of the past. Every opportunity available to be together was joyous, exciting, fulfilling and greatly rewarding”.

Like many, Edward’s language of love is quality time although his wife may not know it.

Every relationship needs quality time to bond, grow in intimacy and thrive. To know your partner’s language of love, it is important to maintain good communication. Make time daily, weekly and monthly, when both of you can exclusively spend time together.

Points to remember

1. Consider committing to a date-night on a regular basis, preferably weekly.

2. Identify a hobby that you can enjoy together.

3. Engage in some adventure — try something new together.