By Perpetua Wangeri
Every person has his or her own unique style of loving. Different partners also express their love in a variety of ways. Partners can elicit feelings of safety, fear, excitement, confusion, devotion, rejection, emotional fatigue or emotional satisfaction.
In her book Love and Its Counterfeits, Barbara Cooks notes that different people have different styles of loving, some of which can be counterfeit love. She also maintains that most people have a combination of two or three styles of loving, with one of the styles being predominant. What is your love style?
The angel: Being an angel in love, you tend to occupy yourself with doing whatever pleases your partner. Angels deny their own needs, desires and dreams and may end up with feelings of fatigue and resentment. They may miss out on life and not live up to their full potential. Whereas relationships generally require a certain amount of compromise and some sacrifice from both partners, the angel constantly neglects himself or herself in a bid to please their partner.
In a song, the angel’s favourite lyrics would be; “I will do anything for you darling… it’s the reason for my being.”
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The ruler: If you are a ruler in your love life, you tend to relate love with absolute control. You rule your partner with determination and force of will. You will only love your partner if you feel that you have complete control over them.
In a song, the ruler’s favourite lyrics would be; “...baby, when I say jump, you ask me how high my love, then I know, that you were meant to be mine…”
The romantic: Being a romantic, you tend to fall in love, not with the person as they are, but with the idea of being in love. Romantics get hooked to romance and thrilling emotions of ‘falling in love’. When the feeling of falling in love wears out, the romantic may assume the relationship was doomed to die, and they may move on to experience the thrill of a new relationship.
The romantic’s favourite lyrics would be; “I am excited …ohhh! What a feeling…I am so in love, so over the moon…”
The saviour: Being a saviour, your love is based on your need to be needed. If your partner doesn’t need you in any way, you may quickly lose interest in them and find someone else who needs you. Saviours also tend to be attracted to dependent, abusive or addicted partners.
The saviour’s favourite lyrics would go like “…every time you are down, am gonna pick you, I will love you no matter where you’ve been…I will be there whenever you need me, my baby…”
The addict: if you are an addict, you usually confuse sex with love. Addicts feel loved only when it is expressed sexually or when they are the objects of desire.
The addict’s favourite lyrics go like ‘…I can tell that you want me, when you touch me like that, the things you do to me…how I love you…’
The pet: If you are a pet in love, you usually project yourself as adorable and cuddly. Pets believe in being childlike and wait upon their loved ones for provision and protection.
The pet’s favourite lyrics would be “… my cute baby, I love you, gazing at me with such trusting eyes, my sweet cuddly love…”
The obsessed: Being obsessed could earn you the title of a stalker. Sometimes, when stalkers can’t have their object of affection, they may threaten to harm themselves or their object of affection. Obsessed lovers live in a fantasy world believing that love conquers all, regardless of how much disinterested their object of obsession is.
In the initial stages of a relationship, there may be heightened preoccupation with a loved one. This is normal and exciting especially if the feelings are reciprocated. However, for the obsessed, the preoccupation endures long periods, regardless of expressions of disinterest and rejection from the other party.
The favourite lyrics of the obsessed would be; “…you are all that I will ever need my love…and if it takes me a 1,000 years, I will wait…thinking of you, every minute of every hour that I am awake.”
Understanding your love style enables you to recognise what is and what is not working for you, in relationships. Modifying your love style enables you to eliminate the destructive aspects of your love style to enjoy a more genuine and fulfilling love life.