Overseas romance

While on business trips and short courses abroad, many throw caution to the wind and engage in brief but steamy flings. PATRICK KARIUKI explores why we find romance with foreigners so irresistible.

At 30, Sandra, a tall and attractive woman is the head of department at a major multinational oil company. She is an engineer whose job involves lots of travelling and training courses abroad. So a few weeks ago, her boss sent her to a seminar in Johannesburg.

She recalls the seminar itself as a dreary affair, but says she did not mind the drudgery, because the extrovert in her enjoyed interacting with people from different parts of Africa. There was one wild Nigerian, in particular, who caught her eye.

“In the evening everybody gathered in the hotel restaurant to mingle and sip expensive wine. But there was a guy from Lagos who thought that was too snotty. He preferred to go out into downtown Johannesburg and get a feel of South African street life”, she says.

So Sandra, who possesses the liberated spirit of a typical young Kenyan woman, joined him. They had wild experiences in Johannesburg’s matatus, dingy street bars and clubs.

“The guy, a top executive mind you, took me to Jozi ‘locals’. We had drinks in places that reminded me of Modern Green. In fact, his lack of pretentiousness is what I found most appealing about him, unlike the boring snobs back at the hotel. We connected instantly,” she reminisces.

But Sandra did not realise when their friendship changed from casual to sexual.

Says she: “He would compliment me all he time — he said I had nice legs and a sexy voice, but I never thought much of it. But on the last day of the seminar, he showed up at my hotel room at lunch time and it felt a little awkward. I realised I liked him a lot and would get jealous when other girls chatted him up.”

Such a good dancer

But the last nail on the coffin was the closing dinner. Her new friend showed up looking so good, and spent the whole time telling her how wonderful she was.

In addition to his spontaneity, which excited her, she loved the way he danced. Many women like guys who know how to dance, for various erotic reasons probably, but Sandra is particularly obsessed with good dancers.

“Before we had been dancing like two strangers, keeping a fairly respectable distance from one another. I liked to watch him move. But that night, he closed in. Suddenly, we were dirty dancing. From there, well, it was all downhill”, she smiles, adding: “We had great chemistry on the dance floor. It was so much fun and we did steal the show on the last day.” The long and short of it is that Sandra ended up sleeping with him that day.

Says she: “It turned out to be a mind-blowing experience — he delivered all that his dance floor moves promised — but I wondered if I was too easy. In retrospect, I see that he had it all figured out. He stalked his prey, pounced and got it. At the airport, I cried as we parted, and felt a little stupid for getting attached too fast. We kept communication on for a month through emails, and then he went blank.”

Win her affection

Students are not left out of the fun and games either. John, who now works as a marketing executive, recalls his college days with keen nostalgia. USIU, his alma mater, hosts several international students every semester on its student exchange programme. He recalls one semester that went particularly well for him.

“Thursday night is campus night and traditionally, the students trooped to Chocolate City at the nearby Safari Park Hotel to party away the stresses of the week. Well, it was during one such night that I spotted an African American girl visiting from Stanford University”, he says.

She was drop-dead gorgeous and was determined to experience Kenya in every way. John was the lucky guy who got chosen to represent the rest of us.

He felt like quite the man among his fellow students, many of who would have given anything to win the girl’s affection.

Official translator

“This girl had an accent so thick, and she spoke so fast, half the time I didn’t know what she was saying. However, we connected extremely well. She asked me to walk around with her and translate for her when she spoke to other people. I was only too happy to oblige. And I was rewarded very well for my translation services”.

At the end of the three months, John had fallen completely in love with the African-American girl. Unfortunately, she was not exactly on the same page.

“She left the country without even saying goodbye, one weekend I did not see her and didn’t think much of it. Only to get an email the following Tuesday informing me that she was back in California and she was very grateful to me for taking the time to show her around”.

And that was that. It took him a while to recover from the devastation. Somewhere in his foolish mind, he had hoped she would extend her stay in USIU, maybe even marry him eventually.

What is this fascination with short intense stints of exotic romance? Why are we, both men and women, willing to risk stable relationships with decent Kenyan partners for fleeting affairs with foreigners?

Scholastica Were, a counselling psychologist, explains that the further away one travels from home, the more intense the desire to come back with memorable experiences may become, especially if it’s your first trip out of the country.

“The person feels as if the rules are temporarily suspended and they should live life to the full while the opportunity lasts”, she says.

Taking risks

“This is particularly the case with business trips. The fact that business trips tend to have all expenses paid adds to the sense of entitlement. The person feels that they’ve worked hard to deserve to be sent abroad and stay in five-star hotels. Thus, they’re more likely to do something that they would not normally do, take risks they would not normally take, including engaging in infidelity,” observes Scholastica.

Back in the old days, Kenyans travelled rarely and it was almost a criminal offence to come back home without gifts. One was expected to not only shop for themselves but also for relatives and friends. That sort of thing has now gone out of fashion.

“Today, Kenyans travel much more, so the shopping thing went out of fashion long ago. Most of the stuff you will find abroad is available here anyway. Among the young adults of today, a trip abroad presents the opportunity to get a once-in-a-lifetime sexual experience in far away lands,” she adds.

“It is the same rush of sexual liberation wazungus feel when they come to Africa for the first time. Cast your mind no further than Naivasha, where the Happy Valley set cast all rules to the wind and engaged in quite a bit of debauchery amongst themselves,” she adds.

For Sandra and her Nigerian acquaintance, debauchery is not a misplaced characterisation of their ‘hook-up’. The man is married and is also, supposedly, a ‘born again’ Christian. He told her that his wife is prudish and that their sex life was boring.

“I was so scared because at some point, we did not even use protection. It was a silly thing to do and I’m not proud of that. I blame it on the alcohol,” she says.

However, sometimes, there are consequences. The Happy Valley escapades, for example, led to a terrible murder, which caused the exposure of the sensational story the world over. So before you engage in that steamy affair or seek some exotic phantom love, be safe and be sane.