One man, one wife concept to resolve border disputes

By Peter Kimani

Since Kenyans are avowed politicians who never let anything pass without wrestling with it, I have a proposition on the simplest way of ending the row over constituency boundary review.

Let’s try substituting the principle of one man, one vote, with one man, one wife. It’s not entirely original; Nigerian author TM Aluko has a satirical novel by that title, which expounds on the conflict between Christian morals and Yoruba ethics.

The idea is fairly simple, if not altogether simple-minded. Rather than try to appeal to MPs’ sensibilities using complex principles about population density as the yardstick for demarcation, how about using wives for a change?

Since what most do upon election (one city father insisted he had been erected the mayor of the City of Nairobi) is to secure several new wives and even more concubines, the idea of wives would be pretty appealing.

Primal instincts

Let them consent to the creation of new constituencies matching the number of new wives they would like to have every election year.

The concept entails creation of new constituencies hived off the existing ones by the number of wives cherished.

By appealing to MPs’ primal instincts, a number of challenges could be surmounted without breaking a sweat. For starters, the phobia that their political enemies could be supplanted in their backyards would not arise since everyone would be family. Secondly, the current MPs could be elevated to a different job scale with a title like of senior MP, provided one secures re-election to the august House.

Thirdly, politicians would not have to go to great lengths to enjoy some time with their extra wives as they would be publicly acknowledged, and possibly funded through the Constituency Development Fund.

Peacemakers

The concept of women as a political trade-off is not in any way meant to subjugate them or treat them as object of pleasure. Rather, the appeal is due to women’s universal role as peacemakers.

This option is also prompted by the fact that our politicians are totally spoilt and virtually all other needs are generously funded through our taxes.

Regarding the question of what would happen to constituencies held by women it would be presumptuous to imply that women need similar trappings.

But since the accounts of sexual escapades by female MPs with young men are quite scant, I would assume that the womenfolk might require a different kind of motivation to play along.

In any case, since it is the menfolk that has been generating the greatest din over the boundary review, sorting them would diminish the challenge to a great extent.

Or let’s think of other ways of getting the women to play game. They are more sophisticated than men, aren’t they?