This mother will provide the material needs, cook, wash, clean, attend parent's day, feel proud of herself as a mother but is emotionally cold and distant to the child.
The child will grow up emotionally imbalanced and unstable, uncomfortable around the mother, admiring other people's mothers and finding it difficult to ask mom for counsel, thus making grave mistakes.
1. The gossiping mother
This mother is constantly nosy and gossiping about other people, she even gossips about her child and how her child behaves badly. She itches to know negative news and exaggerates things. The child grows up being taught to be a gossip, to intrude on other people's business and sometimes the child wonders when will mom stop being so concerned about other people's lives and focus on me?
2. The bitter mother
This mother is ever angry, she snaps so easily, either because she doesn't like where she is in life, she is a single mother and the child reminds her of the father, the relationship with her man/husband is bad, she was hurt in the past and hasn't healed, or she is mean spirited and toxic. She is so deep in her negativity that she doesn't realise the emotional mommy wounds she is inflicting on her child. She is bitter and feels justified, forgetting life is no longer just about her.
3. The absent mother
This mother is in denial; either she was not ready for the child or her career and comfort is more important. If she wasn't ready, she will leave the child with her parents and enjoy single life in the name of "working on me" OR, as she pursues her career far away in another town or country she will leave the child in the care of relatives and forgets to even call, checkup or make time to see the child. She has to be reminded that she is a mother and when she is asked to step up, she gets angry and cuts off her relatives and her child. The child grows perhaps mistreated and scarred for life by the relatives or loved up by the relatives, seeing the mother as a visitor who sometimes calls and visits and sometimes disappears without a reason or explanation.
4. The childish mother
This mother is still a girl, seeing the child as a spoiler coming to ruin her life. For her, she still wants to party, drink, have casual sex, date with no purpose and act like there is no life depending on her. She would rather use her money on debauchery than on the child's needs. She sometimes hides that she has a child to have a good time because she knows her fun friends will tell her "Go home to your child". Her child grows up feeling hidden, unwanted and the child raises himself/herself up, often to undesirable results.
5. The wounded mother
This mother is sad, she gives her child a sad childhood. The child looks at the mother's eyes and sees that mom is not OK, mom has never been OK. If the child is a caring one, the child might attempt to help mom heal then feel like a failure when the child realises mommy's pain is too deep. The child grows up dreading childhood, with a mother who was just off. The child looks for joy and meaning outside the home.
6. The emotionally dead mother
This mother will provide the material needs, cook, wash, clean, attend parent's day, feel proud of herself as a mother but is emotionally cold and distant to the child. She is functioning but there is no mother-child relationship. The child will grow up emotionally imbalanced and unstable, uncomfortable around the mother, admiring other people's mothers and finding it difficult to ask mom for counsel, thus making grave mistakes.
7. The promiscuous mother
This mother is loose, she will bring different men into the house to sleep with and not care and if she is married, she will have multiple affairs. She uses her sexuality to her advantage and can be rude. She might raise the child to be promiscuous too, or make the child despise her for hurting dad through affairs, or make the child ashamed to call her mother.
8. The visionless mother
This mother teaches no values to her child because she has no vision for her child. She has resigned from motherhood and allows life to just happen. She lives a day at a time and sees herself as having no significant impact. She doesn't speak life to her child, she doesn't doesn't push her child to greatness, she is just there. The child grows up without a strong identity, without values and without direction until he/she works on themselves in adulthood.
9. The diva mother
This mother is conceited, all she cares about are her manicured nails, shoes, cars, make up and looks; so much so that she cannot clean up her child, hug her child or nurse her child when the child is sick. She is put off by motherhood roles that don't look cool and she appears more protective about her lifestyle than the welfare and nurturing of her child. The child grows up feeling rushed through parenting so that mama can live a fancy life, leading to detachment.
10. The dream killer mother
This mother is an enemy of progress, she tells the child how foolish the child is, how the child won't amount to much and how the child should not dream big; all the while celebrating and praising other people's children. She fights the child's ambition at a young age; sometimes because she wants the child to fulfil the dreams she did not fulfil or because no one believed in her so she is projecting that to her own. The child grows up discouraged perhaps for life or the child fights back and proves the mother wrong.
11. The low self-esteem mother
This mother doesn't believe in herself and so she doesn't know how to teach self-confidence to her child. She feels that her and her child don't deserve the best in life and she boxes the child. The child grows up withdrawn, shielded from knowledge and having a low self-esteem unless the child develops self-love
12. The domineering mother
This mother terrorises the child, pushes the child to the wall and wants to micromanage the child's life including the child's love life. She wants absolute control and sees it as disrespect when the child doesn't give in to her control. She is manipulative. The child grows up with ruined relationships and friendships, with poor decision making skills, hiding from the mother and struggles in marriage.
13. The nurturing mom
This mother has a strong identity, a healthy self-esteem and she has worked on and works on her healing. She is present, not afraid to communicate and express love, with a vision of the kind of child she is raising, a good listener and disciplines with love. She invests herself in the child as she improves herself as an individual, modelling for the child traits to admire and live by. She is dependable, training the child to be the unique best version of themselves, the child's greatest cheerleader. The child grows up whole owing the man/woman he/she becomes to the loving mother.
What kind of a mother are you?
What kind of a mother raised you?
© Dayan Masinde
In my book, MANHOOD SERIES, I walk with men towards understanding themselves and help women to understand men.
In my other book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women towards understanding themselves and help men to understand women.
To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.
To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.
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