If you are not ready to be patient, marriage will frustrate you
By Dayan Masinde
| June 23rd 2020
1. Communication requires listening and listening requires
you to be patient. You have two ears and one mouth because you need to do more
listening than speaking.
2. You will ask your spouse for an opinion or thoughts about
something and your spouse asks you for time to think about it, you have to be
3. Your spouse will not be perfect. When you bring to your
spouse's attention where he/she needs to change or improve, be patient with
your spouse as this will require a lot of learning and unlearning.
4. There are things you will need to teach your spouse such
as how to love you the way you like, how to feed the baby, how to drive, how to
balance finances, how to handle your friends; your spouse will not get things
right every time especially at the beginning. Teaching requires patience.
5. There are times you will be horny but your spouse will
not be. Don't just pounce on your spouse and expect instant sex then get
frustrated when your spouse doesn't respond. You have to patiently prepare your
spouse to the mood and not rush it. Intimacy takes time.
6. There are moments when your spouse will be going through
something and you want him/her to open up to you but sometimes your spouse will
not be ready. Give your spouse time instead of ambushing him/her to talk.
Sometimes your spouse will need to process his/her emotions before engaging
you. You are not being ignored or pushed away. Relax.
7. There are times when your spouse will be busy working
when you want to chat or talk. Please understand when your spouse takes long to
reply to your messages, doesn't pick up your calls or doesn't give you full
attention at the time. Don't throw a tantrum, eventually your spouse will be
8. There are times when you and your spouse will have an
argument, voices will be raised and tempers flare and you will want to keep on
shouting to resolve the issues but your spouse will opt to keep calm and silent
for some time till things cool down and you talk with regulated emotions. Be
patient, your spouse is wise.
9. There are moments when you and your spouse will hurt each
other and even though you forgive each other or go for counselling, the wound
will still be fresh. Be patient, gradually things will improve. Healing takes
10. Raising a child/children requires patience. You have to
accept that the young ones have not reached your level of maturity or
comprehension. Do not give up on them. Mentorship and nurturing is like growing
a tree, it needs patience and love.
11. There are moments when you two will not be right with
each other and you will feel like quitting. In those moments, just be still and
allow love to bring about a miracle. Soon you two will be laughing and
wondering how foolish you were to consider ending things.
12. There are times when you will pray to God for a
breakthrough in your marriage. Be patient, sometimes God doesn't answer prayers
instantly. God is more important about the process than the end results because
the process determines the quality and staying power of the end result.
Processes take time. God heard you, don't micro-manage God.
Be patient because you too will need your spouse to be
patient with you.
Love is patient.
© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde
In my book, MANHOOD SERIES, I demistify what being a man is
and I address the man's sexuality, emotions, thoughts and struggles.
In my other book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk how a woman can
be the best her as an individual, a wife, a mother, a friend and as a believer
in God. I also address her sexuality.
To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde,
MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to
the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to
download and read on your phone or computer.
To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde,
MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address
to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to
download and read on your phone or computer.
Multilateralism through public-private partnerships are key to flattening Covid-19 curveSo far the pandemic has not been the finest hour for international cooperation.
Restoring Nairobi’s iconic librariesBook Bunk is turning public libraries into what they call ‘Palaces for The People' while introducing technology in every aspect.
Sossion’s vehicle stoned in Bomet Town
- Vehicles destroyed during protests as Ruto tours Busia
- Woman missing for over one week found dead in her house
By Daniel Chege
- Agnes Tirop final journey: Athletes bring Eldoret to a standstill
- In disguise, Governor Njuki finds out a few truths about Chuka Referral Hospital
- Philip Murgor in the limelight again