What to do when your husband doesn't satisfy you in bed

Sex is not just about the man alone; women too have sexual needs. Failing to acknowledge this has led to many women feeling sexually starved and frustrated.

What do you do as a wife when your husband doesn't last an erection, doesn't make to love to you to your satisfaction, thinks only about his sexual needs or doesn't make love to you as often?.

What do you do as a wife when your husband doesn't last an erection, doesn't make to love to you to your satisfaction, thinks only about his sexual needs or doesn't make love to you as often?

1. Don't cheat Do not break your marriage just because you are looking for an orgasm. Another man's penis cannot compare to the full package of your husband.

2. Praise his manhood A man is most vulnerable when he lets you have his penis. When you make him feel good about it, he will sexually approach you with confidence. It is an ego thing.

3. Master his manhood and body Different men have different sensation points. Study his body to make his arousal maximum so that he uses it to give you pleasure.

4. Build friendship and non-sexual intimacy Love making is easier, sweeter and more intense when you two have a strong emotional connection. Don't be strangers who only come together for sex.

5. Spend more time together  The more quality time, the more love-making.

6. Flirt with him over the phone When you randomly flirt with each other, you heighten your sexual compatibility.

7. Check if he has a history of self-pleasure  A man who has engaged in a lot of adult movies and or self-pleasuring might struggle to hold an erection or, his mind might register pleasure as that got using his hand, not a vagina. Tell him "Honey, you have me, keep your hand away from the penis that I am to satisfy".

8. Have the sex talk Be safe and free with each other to talk about anything sexual.

9. Avoid self-pressure Self-pleasure will take your concentration away from your husband making you need him less.

10. Attend to his sexual fantasies  When you cater to him, he will be more responsive to cater to you. Don't be that woman who just lies naked in bed wanting to be done.

11. Reveal to him the secrets of your body You are the one who knows how you like pleasure served. Tell him how to please you.

12. Know that some women take long to get to the o zone Know your body. Some women take long to get wet or even get to an orgasm. If you are that kind of a woman, make him feel good and compliment what he does to and in your body to encourage him.

13. Don't entertain other men Once your husband perceives or knows you are giving attention to other men or another man, he will be less interested to make love to you.

14. Avoid stressing him Sex starts in the mind. When you give your husband no peace, constantly complain and give him pressure, his penis will find it difficult to get hard for you or even want you

15. Seduce him Be sexually assertive. Don't just wait for him to make a move, he is there to satisfy you. When you're in the mood, let him know he is needed for service.

16. Don't play mind games Don't fake a headache, bang doors, lie you are on your periods, act like you don't need him and push him away today then the next day you want him to make passionate love to you. Some wives confuse their husbands with their hot then cold behavior.

17. Communicate your needs and desires He is not a mind reader, let him know what is on your mind.

18. Work on your foreplay and hind play together Foreplay is the art of building up pleasure before sexual intercourse through touching, rubbing, licking, sucking or whatever does it for you as a couple. Hind play is how you two make each other feel special after the climax through cuddling, kissing, a prayer or words of affection. This makes love making memorable.

19. Don't mock him or embarrass him to your friends Never attack your husband's sexual ability or the size or look of his penis to himself or to others, this will discourage him in bed.

20. Don't mock other men going through what he is going through When you attack men who don't last as long in bed, he will see it as an indirect attack on him.

21. Learn to help him relax and hold an erection Some men just need a little help to control the excitement of an incoming orgasm. Teach him to control the muscles in his penis by pausing the pumping action or withdrawing when he feels an orgasm is coming.

22. Stop overthinking You might be difficult to please sexually because when your husband is making love to you, you are busy thinking about whether your vagina is tight enough, whether your breasts are that attractive, whether your vagina has a foul smell, whether your children have done their homework, whether you gave your boss that very important file or whether your favourite supermarket still has that sale on the ceramic plates. Relax and enjoy being pleasured.

23. Seek counselling This will help you two to understand each other better. Akello and I take couples through a guide including sex quiz for husbands and wives to help couples nourish their intimacy.

24. Be patient Intimacy is an art, and practice make perfect. In marriage, two different bodies are coming together to know each other. The intimacy today may not be so great, but as you patiently interact physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, it will get better. Don't panic.

© Dayan Masinde

In the love book called GOOD SEX BAD SEX, I reveal how to get the most out of intimacy and also show what happens when you abuse, misuse or use sex wrongly. ____________________________ GET A COPY OF THE LOVE BOOK, "GOOD SEX BAD SEX", WRITTEN BY DAYAN MASINDE STEP 1: MPESA Ksh. 300 to 0721590954 STEP 2: Text your email address to 0721590954 STEP 3: Receive the digital book in your email STEP 4: Download and read on phone/computer