Most men cheat with women who don't challenge them

As I have been counselling couples, I have come to assess one unique phenomenon: most men who cheat, cheat with a woman who doesn't challenge them.

That woman could be a young lady in college struggling in life or wanting a high life so she will look for a sponsor. Such a lady will pamper a taken man, make him feel like a hero and rarely challenge him to grow. She is coming to his life to take and take, and maybe the only thing she gives is great sex with her body younger than that of his wife.

That woman could be a house help who because he has employed her, he feels she will give in to his sexual advances anytime or risk being fired. She agrees to keep having sex with him, he waters down his character to enjoy her.

That woman could be a lady he meets on social media who doesn't challenge him. Much of the conversations he has with this woman revolves around sex. They keep talking about sex and flirting and little of conversations that build him or challenge him. All she brings to the table is her sexiness and erotic nature that gets him confused, leaving his wife and family unattended to. They start meeting up for sex.

That woman could be a female employee who he is senior to. Such a woman might be tempted to do anything he asks to keep her job. Because of that, she doesn't challenge him, she becomes a YES woman to him, pampering his ego as he uses her.

That woman could be a fling lady, that lady he looks for when he wants a good time. Their joint purpose is getting orgasms and not to help each other grow.

That lady could be a prostitute, he will pay her to tell him what he wants to hear and give him great sex. No challenge there.

Sadly, when these men go to cheat with these women who don't challenge them, they leave a wife who actually does challenge them. A wife challenges the husband. A wife is the kind of woman who will call out her husband when he is wrong, she will confront him when he is making bad financial decisions, she will bring to his attention when he is slacking as a father, she will correct him when he is wrong, she will not baby sit his childish habits, she will let him know when he is embarrassing himself or their family, she will push him to be better, she will warn him when he is walking into a fire, she will not be a YES woman because she might have a different opinion that doesn't always agree with his, she will expect him to get back up when he falls, she will expect him to have a vision and pursue it, she will not tolerate laziness and mediocrity, she will demand growth in his character, she will not shy away from having difficult conversations with him because she is challenging him to be the best he can be. She has his best interest at heart.

But when a man is lazy in his growth, he avoids difficult conversations with his wife. He runs away from the wife who challenges him to look for women who don't challenge him and are OK with his corrupt, sinful, shameful and mediocre ways and dysfunction. A man led by lust goes for the easy woman/women, a man looking for growth hangs on to the woman who sharpens him and who expects him to deal with tough issues. Growth is not always easy.

So many wives when they get to know about their husband's infidelity, they want to know who that woman he is cheating with is, only to find out that the woman is just riding on the husband she helped mould, wives notice the other woman is not even after the man's growth and they wonder "What does my husband see in this woman/women?"

Affairs eventually end then the husband is either dumped by the women who don't challenge him or he ends the affairs and he feels empty and frustrated because those women didn't come to challenge him but to take him many steps back. At that point, either the wife who has challenged him to grow all these years leaves him, or she is so heartbroken that he left other women who only came to mess up the trajectory they had as a couple.

Gentlemen, don't mess up what you have with the woman that challenges you to be better just to go and have sexcapades with women who stagnate you or bring you to ruin.

© Dayan Masinde

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I talk about the man, sex and his decisions. I address questions and issues men go through and how to be a man of vision and substance.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I talk about women and sex and address their choices and how set themselves up in the right environments and love. I address her self-identity.

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer