Let’s talk about ‘His High-ness’ Moses Kuria

“I wish we had put an Alcoblow at the door before we came in”.

I froze! I gazed at Boni Khalwale, the Bullfighter from Ikolomani. He wasn’t flinching.

He seemed to bulge in his already neatly-fitting stripped shirt, leaning back in his springy chair in a pose that stowed away any traces of remorse, reverberating blank emotions instead.

I leered at Moses Kuria, then the Citizen TV show host Hussein Mohamed, and then back at Boni Khalwale all in a nanosecond.

Khalwale was still unmoved. He clearly meant what he had said, with no apologies.

Everyone in my living room had their eyes fixed on the TV; dump-founded, desirous for a brawl.

“Wow!” exclaimed Hussein Mohamed as the other panelist Alex Awiti, a public policy analyst, stared into the cameras in disbelief.

The Kuria we know wasn’t going to let this go unmatched. He didn’t. He fought back with something about him having entered politics “before Khalwale started procuring abortions” to which the Bullfighter burst into a snotty laughter.

Truthfully, nothing was wrong with Khalwale’s averment. He had actually verbalized what rested in the deepest recesses of our minds; what we had been thinking about during the entire 32-minute stretch of the discussion.

Moses Kuria was allegedly intoxicated; we just didn’t know anyone in that studio was bold enough to say it, knowing how erratic and tetchy he can be.

All these wisecracks were exchanged at the tail-end of what was a veritable debate on the 16% VAT on fuel, pitting “His High-ness” Moses Kuria as a pro-VAT and Khalwale as an anti-VAT. Mr Awiti was of course making in efficacious attempts to be the voice of reason.

In all honesty, just like most Kenyans, I have never taken Moses Kuria seriously. I see him as a repugnant, impertinent and mean-spirited politician.

Don’t get me wrong, my perception of him has nothing to do with his poker face or wiry smile, neither does it have anything to do with his inarticulate manner of speaking. It is because of the things he says, and the fact that the harder he tries to make himself sound serious, the more he makes himself the butt of a joke.

On the coffee debate for instance, I thought it was ludicrous for Moses Kuria to propose a complete ban on the exportation of raw coffee, knowing vividly well that we have no ready markets for processed coffee yet.

This, and his impetuous remarks at a rally in Kirinyaga a few weeks ago, that we should use processed coffee as cow feed if we don’t get market, just proves my point.

While freedom of speech may be the crown jewel of our democracy, injudicious speeches are an abhorrence to say the least.

That Moses Kuria would come on live TV and speak in that manner about such a weighty issue of national importance - that is 16% VAT on fuel - is extremely disconcerting.

Additionally, his stand on the matter was absolute, showing his unwillingness to adopt a sober approach.

I know Moses Kuria as one of those few politicians who pulls no punches, and has no qualms about speaking his mind on and off camera; but on vital issues that affect the common mwananchi (that affect his voters) the least we expect of him is to face us - sober - and articulate his position as the intelligent man he claims he is.

Is that too much to ask?