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Women, Leave My Kitambi Alone

UREPORT
By Dominic Kosgei | May 4th 2016

Since time in memorial it has always been given the utmost respect it deserves. However, the new crop of women has gone against the teachings of their grandmothers. Respectable men in the society own it, Baba owns it, Ouru is building his and I too have one. That leaves me with the question that has been bothering me, who are you to speak against my kitambi

For a long time now I have silently watched women hurl all manner of insults on us men with bellies. Do you know the amount of time and money it takes to build it? It is not something that you wake up and pick on your way to work; we work for it and we are proud of it! A Kitambi is not something that you see in your normal route 44 matatu. This is something special chauffeured around many times in a German machine. Respect it!

Vitambis ooze authority, oh yeah you think we do not notice those 'who-is-that-guy' looks written all over your faces show whenever we enter a room? My belly makes you worship me even before your brain puts a name to my face. We men with bellies signify wealth, money and success. This is a very rare combination a human being can have and I urge the government to classify us as the minority groups of this country. Parliament should give us a national holiday where once in a year we make a round at Nyayo Stadium as military jets fly above us. Actually we should just put in the same endangered class as the rhino horns and any bad mouthing against us should publicly be banned and burned in a ceremony presided over by the president himself with Museveni in attendance.

Women should stop picking on men on such issues because unlike them we do not care. We give zero chills to whatever opinion you have about our bellies. At the end of the day I’m going to have a good rest on my sofa one hand with a dark bottle of beer and the other a plate full of nyamchom as I look down on my pot of success.

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