Girl code: How do you deal with a sulking lover?

To all my married fellows out here, how do you handle a spouse who likes going nil by mouth? As a woman, I think I had previously perfected the art of doing this until I met my match! I used to sulk till kingdom come.

I, however, came to realise a few years back that the sulking does not always work on everyone. There are people out here who were born with hearts of steel, I mean they are not easily shaken. There was this time a few years ago, my man and I differed over something and I decided to sulk. I was doing that in order to attract his attention but he decided that he was not going to give it to me.

I sat across him in the living room and placed my hand on my chin as though I was mourning. He totally refused to see me! All he did was switch channels and walk around the house ignoring my every move. I remember he only asked me once what the problem was and as usual, I said “nothing” hoping he would keep asking. How wrong I was!

When I realised this was not moving him an inch, I walked to the bedroom, took a small suitcase and packed some clothes, then I intentionally hit the suitcase on everything on my way as I passed across the living room towards the main door. I was hoping this would make him jump from the couch and ask me where I was headed to. He just took another bite of the banana in his hand and continued watching television.

I stood next to the door and announced my departure. He keenly looked at me and said “Let me know when you get to your destination”. You should have seen how hard I banged the door on my way out. Of course I wasn’t heading anywhere because I didn’t even have a destination in the first place. All I was doing was pulling his leg but it backfired on me. I went down the stairs crying and sat next to the gate still hoping he would run out and come for me.

I can tell you for sure, after sulking and kicking all the rocks there for an hour, I realised my plan had failed and dragged my feet back to the house. I will never forget the look on his face when I walked back into the house. I know he wanted to laugh out loud but held it back. I ended up being the one to apologise and initiate a talk.

From then on, I swore never to sulk before I read the signs of the man I am dating or married to. Sulking is such a difficult task by the way. It needs some sort of perseverance which I don’t have. This reminds me of how some men equally sulk and probably refuse to eat after an argument. As a wife, what would you do if your husband pulled this on you? Personally, I think I would laugh. This world has taught me how to deal with sulking better.

I know some of you would equally refuse to eat in solidarity. Then before you both know it, you are competing on who will ‘not eat’ for a longer period. My hunger pangs cannot allow that. By the way, if you ever get married to me and you try that on me, I will finish my share and eat yours too.

Then there are those husbands and wives who even change their sleeping location after an argument. I have never understood why someone would decide to sleep on the edge of the bed with one leg hanging like a bat! What if you fall in the course of the night and hit your head on the cold concrete or on the bedside drawer?

Whatever happens, I have always maintained sleeping at the centre, no way I will freeze because I am sulking! To those who even go ahead and sleep on the couch after an argument, one day armed robbers will come and find you there, you will know why those on a battlefront rarely come back home in one piece. By the time your spouse in the bedroom hears you screaming, they shall have dealt with you properly!

Dear husbands and wives, whatever you do, always make sure when the night falls, you are cuddling!

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