Naysayers are often losers

By Njoki Karuoya

Haters are a reality that all of us have to learn to live with. Their words are often harsh and mean, and they can destroy even the strongest of them all; but the tragedy would be to allow this to happen: Because it gives the haters victory they don’t deserve.

How many times have you heard, or worse, participated in a hating haze?

The session usually goes down like this: Either the target is nearby, or passes by, or is mentioned in a conversation by either one of you or by someone passing…. Whatever.

That’s when the hating begins…. and there is no sacred ground. She will be attacked for the way she dresses, talks, her policies, friends, where she hangs out, her possessions, her income… everything she stands for.

In this era of social media, this attack could get escalated into the various social networking sites; from Facebook to Twitter to blogs. The strategy is one for all the haters — to destroy the target of the haze through all means possible and to bring her down.

Should the haters succeed and floor the target, the haters will celebrate the downfall, blaming it on the target. Afterwards, they will feel much better, even buoyed, to go on to the next target… and on the vicious cycle continues.

Bitterness and anger

Should the target of the hazing continue to thrive despite the amplified vitriol against her, which can include incriminating pictures and malicious gossip and rumours spread on the Internet, the haters will get hurt. And because they will not get over it (they desire victory over all their ‘enemies’), they will increase the vitriol and include more lies to the mix; all in the attempt to ‘finish’ the target.

If you have haters, don’t give them the victory. Instead, watch them squirm in bitterness and anger. Rejoice as their blood boils in frustration and relish in the knowledge that the only reason they are hating on you is — they are jealous of your success, no matter how little you perceive it to be.

With very few exceptions, naysayers are often losers — specifically in their chosen career paths and generally in their lives. And because they have nothing better to do with their time, they will turn their sights on someone who seems to be enjoying the life they wish they had. They will do everything to destroy that joy and bring that person down to their miserable level. Don’t give them that pleasure.

Instead, focus on your successes and on your goals. Keep your eyes firmly fixed on the ball. Your life is yours, not theirs, and the only person who can lead it is you. And if you want to enjoy it the way you want, do so.

At our last Eve Sisters forum, US-based Dr Cindy Trimm, who was the special guest, advised the participants to tell the haters: “You do you; and I’ll do me”.

You want to adopt a baby? Go ahead. That baby belongs to you, not to them. That baby will give you the same pleasure that all mothers enjoy. You don’t have to literally give birth to experience this joy.

Wings to fly

You have a business and you want to conduct your affairs differently? Is your style bringing in the money? Then go ahead. After all, that’s the goal of any business — to bring in the cheddar. So don’t feel under any pressure to go the traditional route just because everyone else is following that path.

The same applies to those pursuing their careers of choice. Different stands out. Uniformity doesn’t. So exercise your creativity; let the tortoises continue with their slow crawl — they are not your responsibility; you are responsible for your ascent.

I was particularly struck by the words of a hit single (released in August in the UK) by a group of four young and beautiful divas calling themselves The Mix.

The single, Wings, is inspirational as it encourages targets of haters to firmly believe that “your wings are meant to fly”, not to be detained on the ground. Enjoy the lyrics below.