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There’s nothing special about losing virginity

THE STANDARD INSIDER
By Nancy Roxanne | August 15th 2020

I don’t understand why losing one’s virginity is still so romanticised. I came across a post where someone was saying that a person’s first-time having sex is special and magical.

I am pretty confident that the person is a virgin because I don’t know any sexually-active person who would describe their first time as ‘special and magical’. 

On the contrary, first time sex is anything, but. That is just how we fantasise that it is going to be before we actually experience it. Dear virgins, don’t let these telenovelas fool you, it is likely that your first time is going to be hellish!  

First of all, if you are a woman, chances are it will hurt like hell. They don’t call it ‘popping the cherry’ for nothing.

If your hymen is still intact, you are bound to feel some pain as it is being stretched or broken.

Oh, and there is some fair amount of blood that you will have to contend with if you do get your hymen broken. Yikes! Normally, sex isn’t supposed to hurt, even first-time sex. However, a woman’s first time is understandably so nerve-wracking that she can’t relax enough to make it not hurt.

When you feel nervous or frightened during sex, it makes your pelvic muscles tighten making it harder for penetration and hence the great deal of pain.  

The experience isn’t any much better for the menfolk. I have no experience in this as I am not a man and I have never been intimate with a virgin, but from what I have heard, it is not uncommon for a man to finish in 5-10 seconds when he has sex for the first time. This has to be pretty mortifying for the poor guy.

There is no man that can please a woman in five to ten seconds! Even if you do manage to last past the 10-second mark, you will probably be suffering from crippling performance anxiety and do shoddy job anyway.

Let us say we have two virgins having sex and the woman manages to get past the pain and the guy gets over his performance anxiety; the sex is still going to suck, unfortunately because of poor or completely nonexistent technique.

Sex is like learning how to drive a car. You just don’t get into a car for the first time and you automatically know how to drive perfectly. It takes time and practice.

You learn through experience and time what the best driving techniques. Good sex takes time and practice.

Your first time will be uncomfortable and awkward and will undoubtedly leave both of you feeling disappointed and unfulfilled. 

Now, which part of this sounds special and magical? We need to stop giving virgins unrealistic expectations about their first-time having sex.

If you had a good experience when you had sex for the first time, you are one of the few lucky ones. First time sex is anticlimactic.

However, it won’t always be like that. It eventually does to get that special and magical feeling as you get more comfortable with it and learn a few techniques.  

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