Luck a mere ideology in a fool’s mind

By TONY MOCHAMA

This weekend I am going to be at the Casino Malindi’s grand Kenya Poker Tournament where some ‘lucky’ top poker players are gonna walk away with millions of shillings, courtesy of the Italian Cellinis.

In casinos all around ‘Little Italy,’ there will be people spinning money away on the roulette tables. Someone will be losing his or her shirt at ‘black jack.’

Meanwhile, there will be lots of watu wadogo at the slot machines (I call them ‘slut’ machines because one first gives them money, before poking them), exchanging war stories about how one ‘lucky’ mama won a half million jackpot, way back in April 2011.

Here is a little joke: Why did the stingy muhindi, down on his luck, like watching blue movies in re-wind? Answer: Because he enjoyed seeing the hookers give the money back to the men.

Now, let’s get something straight right away. ‘I could be so lucky’ is a song sang by Kylie Minogue, and that was way back in the 1980s! I have nothing against anyone gambling, unless they are related to me or my money, but do not declare, “this is your lucky day.”

Just be honest and admit that you are a wanna-be rich bee, looking for a short cut in life, even if it is via the slot machine.

What folks call ‘luck’, is just a series of random probabilities falling your way very rarely.

I recall when I was shot on the thigh years ago, and this doc looked me straight in the eye and said: “You’re very lucky. A few more inches to the left and the bullet would have severed your femoral artery.  You’d have bled to death.” I agreed with him then, but in hindsight, consider myself most unfortunate. A few more inches to the right, and that damn lead would have missed me completely!

Mobile phones are the biggest culprits of the ‘good luck’ game that appeals to lazy wanna-bes. They send you a silly text saying for five bob, you can win a million, just like ‘Kimaru’ (who you see grinning on your TV set every night for a month with brown teeth, as he snarls: “Nirianza one itchy kwe-chon, nika-chinda one mirion pop! Pia we chinda!!”)

So one answers an obvious question like “Is The Nairobian the fastest growing street weekly?”, and only sixty questions later, at five bob a pop, does one pause to ask: “Wait a minute?”

Fake pastors ask their (silly) sheep to ‘plant a seed’ to get God’s good luck, but what you are really doing is giving away your harvest to the fake pastor’s granary.

I saw on FB the other day an update where a young lady was asking for ‘providence’ to get a Vitz by New Year, and I commented: ‘Msichana, miezi zinaenda! If you’re to get a Vitz by New Year, better figure out where to get at least Sh125,000 a month in the remaining time.”

I still cannot figure out why she deleted my comment.

Edison lied when he said ‘genius is 1 per cent inspiration and 99 per cent perspiration.’ Inspiration and perspiration are equal shareholders in ‘genius,’ but then, again, who would believe the global founding father of electricity companies with offspring like KPLC in the mix?

Good fortune’s formula – 1 per cent good luck … and 99 per cent hard work.