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I can’t get over this breakup

SUNDAY MAGAZINE
By Chris Hart | November 18th 2018

My girlfriend’s just dumped me! What’s the quickest way to heal a broken heart? 

Dave 

Hi Dave!

I’m so sorry to hear about your broken heart. You had dreams of a future with your girlfriend, and now that’s all gone and now you’re grieving for what you’ve lost.

The feelings you’re experiencing occur to a greater or lesser degree with every kind of loss. From something trivial, like losing a small possession, via more important losses like a job, all the way up to the death of a close relative.

Most people go through a fairly predictable series of feelings after any sort of loss, differing only in length and intensity. They usually involve denial, anger, trying to put the clock back, the ‘if only I’d...’ stage, and eventually acceptance. And then we move on.

In the case of a romantic loss, all this is made worse by a hormone, phenylethylamine, which keeps telling you how much you loved the object of your desire - even if she was actually a total nightmare!

And so, if you do nothing about all this, it can take quite a while for all these feelings to subside - and for the hormone levels to drop. In fact, in the case of a really important relationship that’s lasted years, it can also take years to recover...

So how can you speed up the process? Well, the most important thing is to get out of the house! Do things with your family, visit friends and make new ones, put even more effort into your work, and try out some new interests. Stay away from the places that you and your girlfriend used to hang out, and don’t spend more than a few minutes each day thinking about her. Seriously. Promise yourself that you’ll spend a few minutes reminiscing about her, say at 8pm, and for the rest of the time determinedly think about something else whenever she pops into your mind.

Above all, don’t turn into a woman-hater! No boozy ‘what’s wrong with modern girls’ sessions with your mates. Instead, just accept that it’s just one of those things, and go looking for someone new. And I promise you, the moment you find someone, your broken heart will start to mend.

All the best,

Chris 

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