Wayward Meshak sees the light, falls in love

By Mark Mutahi

It’s easy to tell when Cousin Meshack owes you money. He starts avoiding you.

It’s also easy to know when Cousin Meshack wants to borrow from you — he starts seeking you out.

But after not having heard from him for sometime, I was pleasantly surprised to get a call from him while I basked on the roof, which is part of the job description of a caretaker.

"When can we hook up? There’s someone I want you to meet," he said after the usual pleasantries.

Knowing the kind of people he has so far introduced me to and their personal and criminal records, I only agreed so that later in life when they become national news, after their ponzi or pyramid scheme was discovered, or something similarly criminal, I could always have stories to tell to whoever is willing to buy me a beer.

Elisheba

But when we met, the person accompanying him was not anyone I would ever have pictured being anywhere near cousin Meshack.

It was a young woman in a long dress, a headscarf and a huge crucifix hanging from her neck and — the biggest shocker — canvas shoes! I said a short prayer and hoped he had not joined a cult that was soon going to require him to sacrifice his relatives, starting with me.

"This is Elisheba, my girlfriend," cousin Meshack introduced her.

As I hesitatingly stretched out my hand I wanted to whisper to my cousin, "I see online dating helped by your heavily airbrushed Facebook picture is working for you!" But I restrained myself.

I then summoned a waiter to order a beer for cousin Meshack and a Fanta for Elisheba.

"I don’t drink anymore," cousin Meshack said.

This new development made me wish I was a shrink so that I could do some psychiatric assessment and find out whether my cousin was under a spell or something. Just then Elisheba excused herself to visit the washrooms.

"What’s going on?" I asked, very concerned now. "And who is she?"

Holy

By the time she came back I had learnt that she was a Sunday school teacher and he considered himself lucky.

So holy was she that it had taken a lot of persuasion to get her to come to a pub and restaurant. On their way back, she would now have to pass by a church for special prayers and cleansing.

"And we have something to announce..." cousin Meshack said when Elisheba had settled back to her seat.

As if posing for a photograph, the couple looked into each other’s eyes, smiling from ear to ear and then turned to me.

"We are getting married!" they said almost in unison.

I quickly glanced at my mobile phone calendar wondering whether April Fool’s day was here without my knowledge. It was no joke.

Evidently, the Lord, or some prankster in heaven, had put Elisheba and Meshak together and it was going to be quite interesting to watch who would put the lovebirds asunder.