A threesome with a Difference

By Shirley Genga

Ever since Tim can remember, his wife has had a best friend called Carol. While they were at the university, she would follow his wife around like a little puppy.

Even when they were dating, she was constantly hovering around and would on many occasions accompany them on dates.

He had often tried to separate them but his girlfriend made it clear that she would never give up her friend because of a relationship. Because he loved her, he put up with it hoping that after campus their friendship would end. But that did not happen.

Even after they got married, Carol continued to hover around. If Carol was not having lunch with his wife or going for a girls’ night out, with her, she was at their matrimonial home helping with something or sleeping over.

Wife’s loyalty

When they got two children, Carol became the ever-visiting auntie. Tim says in the five years they have been married, he has always felt like there was a third party in their union.

His wife would do nothing without first consulting Carol and whenever they had any problems, it was Carol who would mediate. And as far as he knew, she never dated a man.

No matter what Tim did to get rid of Carol, he always failed because of his wife’s loyalty to her.

Late last year, Carol lost her job and found herself with nowhere to go to. His wife begged him to let her best friend move in with them until she got a new job.

He did not like the idea but accepted because he loved his wife. But one month turned into two and she was still there.

The financial burden became too much for Tim and he spoke to his wife about letting Carol go, as she had not been able to get a new job.

His wife broke down in tears, saying she could not desert her friend when she needed her most. Tim retreated.

A week ago, Tim travelled home to go see his mother and left his wife, their children and Carol at home. When he came back his son asked him a strange question.

Constant intrusion

He wanted to know why Carol slept in his bed whenever he was out of town. Tim was too shocked for words.

He had confronted his wife and she broke down in tears. Confused, he wrote to me asking for advice.

I advised Tim that first, he needs to sit down with his wife and find out what is going on and to also explain to her how he feels about Carol’s constant intrusion into their family.

If his wife refuses to come clean or to finally choose between him and Carol, then he has two choices. He could refuse to deal with the problem and continue to live with his wife plus Carol or he could walk away. As her husband, he has a right to not only have a truthful wife, but a wife who understands that sometimes marriage requires sacrifices.