Help, I slept with my best friend’s bride

I am a guy aged 31 and the best man to my best friend’s wedding scheduled to take place before Christmas if all goes well. I feel so bad because I slept with the bride last weekend and I am very guilty.

 It’s hard even being in the same room with him and I can’t look him in the eye. This is eating me; it feels like he can see right through me and like he knows and is waiting for me to confess. What should I do about this? Please advice before I make a serious mistake.

{Peter}

Your take:

Peter, you showed contempt for both him and his wedding. If you want to make amends then keep quiet, perform your best man duties beyond expectations then bow out of their lives forever. Do not rock the boat anymore. You can become a better person if you have the conviction at heart.

{Cookie}

That was a serious mistake you made and to me you are just a betrayer. You’ve just destroyed their love life and I think you will still do it when they are married. What is the bride thinking about this? I advise you to quit being the best man by all means and miss the wedding at all costs. Otherwise the guilt will kill you. Be a good freind.

{Phelix Olonde}

Your guilt will never end until you confess to him. This should be done by both of you together. I am sure he will understand and forgive you, and you should never repeat it!

{James Mate}

Who made the first move and what influenced the prey to give in? I assume that you are married – so why did you cheat on your wife? This is adultery and it is too late to discourage him from marrying her. However, avoid doing the same thing again through all means possible. Even if the guilt is unbearable, don’t shun your friend. Save that marriage if there is genuine love.

{George Ogara}

You have to reap what you have sown. Even if you put it undercover the truth will eventually come out, from whichever source. You never know who could have been watching. Just report yourself to him and face the consequences of your act. Most importantly, your best friend has to know that he is about to marry a cheat. It will be bitter for him to swallow but it is for his own good. You made a mistake but there is always room for change as long as you are alive.

{Janet O}

If he is your best friend as you say then you have to tell him the truth before it’s too late. However, convince her to tell him first. I believe he’d rather find out about it now than two or three years down the road. Yes, he will hate both of you and even disown you but it’s your choice to either live the rest of your life with guilt or tell the truth. Be the best friend you are because sooner or later the truth will come out.

{Winnie W}

Since you have been cheating on your best friend, there is no need to stop. Just continue for as long as you wish. Even if you don’t, she will still do it with another man so just keep doing what you did.

{Sterlin G}

You haven’t specified if the bride is your ex. Even if she is, what you did is a more serious mistake than the one you are about to do. I think the best you should do is that you stop being the best man. Explain some commitment and let another best man be found then after the wedding, you can explain what happened or better still, keep mum and respect other peoples’ marriages.

{Fred Auko}　

My take:

That’s the thing about stolen /forbidden sex:

Sex has astounding effects on us and many times we loose ourselves to the pleasures of the moment only to think of the implications later. The degree to which we lose ourselves seems to escalate especially when the sex is forbidden or stolen. It is a thin line between the two where forbidden sex includes sex with your boss, the secretary, unprotected sex while stolen sex involves sex with OPW (other people’s wives), the bride to be/newly wed…usually highly unlikely, sex in the car, office, elevator or at the parking lot. In most cases we realise what we have done only after the wild monkey dance is over. Girls eat their nails off and pull their hairs in different directions as they come to terms with possible facts like that they could get pregnant or they could have contracted HIV while in most cases forbidden sex usually leads to enormous guilt like that of Peter.

What to do about it:

Well, I wish there was much you could do now that you have helped yourself to your best friends goodies but unfortunately that cannot be undone. I guess the big question lingering in your mind is "to tell or not to tell?" As at now, I only have four words for you; keep your mouth shut.If you didn’t get caught then keep it that way. The last thing a man wants to know is that his bride to be hit the sack with…especially just days before the wedding. Don’t spoil a good thing by digging up a rotting skunk. However, this may not be entirely up to you and you may need to consult your partner in crime. It is important that you reach consensus that he should never find out just incase she tries to play angel. If she intends to tell – then you should do it together.

How to live with it and with him:

Yes, now it feels like he is seeing right through you even if he doesn’t have a clue. It will be difficult at first but you have to act normal and remove the guilty part. Discuss with the bride to make it clear that it was a mistake and that it should never happen again. The risk of continued sexual relations is too high since you will surely get caught. Making a conscious decision never to let it happen again will help to reduce the guilt and will make things much easier between you and him.

Some things are better left unsaid and even though you don’t expect a pat ion the back once you tell him, it will be even much more difficult for him to continue having you as his best friend. Every time he sets his eyes on you he will always remember that you laid his wife and from the moment he finds out, he will always have his reservations about you. The most important thing here is to agree that he is not to find out as well as agree that it should never happen again.

{Taurus}