Is it okay for men to ask their women for money?

The conversation about a man's money is a complex, emotive one. Think-pieces abound, each one different from the last, every subsequent one pulling in its own direction.
First, they told us that men are supposed to be providers. Naturally, inherently, coded somewhere in their DNA, along with a love for watching organised sports and using their one good photo on all their social profiles. A man, they said, should be happy to take care of his woman, even if it means sacrificing his own comfort.

But the tune changed. Women were perfectly capable of making their own money, they suddenly realised. They did not need taking care of, and certainly not by the gender that had been telling them they belonged in the kitchen. Whoever was responsible for circulating the memo must have been busy that day, because the message did not get home. Not really. Even though the scales have completely been tipped in favour of the working woman, there is still a reluctance to reach for her wallet. There is still an expectation that the man, who is making less than she is, will sort out those pesky bills. And there still exists a coven of women, who believe they are owed a certain baby-soft lifestyle by any man who dares find them attractive. In the event she does spend her own money, hers will be a twisted face and a clenched jaw. Unspoken though it will be, the thought will play over and over in her mind: "What kind of man is this?"

The world changed, but the expectation is still very much there. Men still understand, subtly and internally, that they are still expected to pay for everything. This is why we heard about a man who forked out Vitz money to see his lady through school, not knowing she was also the school accountant. It's why we see videos of a defiant man, surrounded by a flock of his girlfriend's 19 dearest acquaintances as they insult him for not paying for all their meals.

The trickiest component to a man's money is not even the entitlement that exists because of it; rather, it is the instant, vociferous criticism that man will face if he even thinks of asking for compensatory value. We are too woke to admit that a man buying you drinks is on some level an offer of trade, and that there will be an expectation at some point of something of equal value. We steer clear of that conversation because it brings up scary buzzwords like prostitution and consent and feminism. We can wade briefly into the conversation when it's about a man paying school fees for the woman he is intending to marry; the woman who soon realises she can do much better and leaves him for the men his fees enabled her to meet.

At their core, these cases are one and the same. There is a silent exchange, an unspoken understanding that I am doing this for you, hoping to achieve that. Human relationships and interactions are transactional, no matter how much we like to pretend otherwise. You do this job, I pay you a salary. You like my Instagram stories, I tell people we are friends. I buy you a Gucci bag, you wrap your legs around my neck.

Is it true, then? Does nobody owe anyone else anything, not even basic decency? Is it unreasonable to expect your spouse to stay with you beyond the things you can buy for her? Should she consider it an investment, one that has to be paid back in the form of three children and a shared surname? In the event she cannot meet her end of the bargain, is it fair for the man to ask for his investment back?
Or maybe we should we go back to the drawing board and say, "Kila mtu na pesa zake." No favours.
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