Why do perfect relationships suddenly fall apart?

Why do perfect relationships suddenly fall apart? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I thought my friends were the perfect couple. So I was completely taken aback when they broke up after being together for so many years. Why do seemingly stable relationships suddenly collapse? Might it happen to me?

Abrupt End

Chris says, 

Hi Abrupt End!

All relationships start with a lot of attraction, love, romance and the feeling that you can do no wrong. As you gradually become a couple and start to build a shared life together, you both feel safe, cherished, appreciated and desired. You can’t imagine loving anyone more and expect that everything will go on just as it is forever.

But not long after that, disillusionment starts to creep in! Practical things start to go wrong: money troubles, work problems, illnesses or family issues, for example. Maybe you just feel less loved and find yourselves getting irritable and angry about little things. Eventually, one of you will want out. Alternatively, you just continue living together without that deep connection you once had.

Many couples carry on like this for years, appearing to the outside world to have a perfect marriage. Then, unexpectedly, some small issue develops into a huge crisis and blows them apart.

To avoid this in your own marriage, you need to consciously put aside the illusions you had at the beginning. Start learning to love and appreciate each other for who you really are, warts and all. Rather than the ‘ideal spouses’ you thought we were going to be. Confronting these illusions will help you identify the root causes of everyday irritations. These could be childhood issues or baggage from previous relationships.

It can be hard work, but there’s nothing more satisfying than being with a partner who loves you for who you really are. You’re no longer just going through life for the sake of it; you can truly enjoy your partnership, actively build your family and create a truly rewarding life together. You can be certain that you have truly found the love of your life.

All the best,

Chris