I'm dating a great guy, but why isn't it becoming more serious?

I'm dating a great guy, but why isn't it becoming more serious? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I’ve been dating a nice guy for a while and we’re having a lot of fun together, but the relationship isn’t progressing. I’d like it to!

What’s wrong?

Chris says,

Hi, What’s wrong?!

Chances are, you’re a placeholder. You’re doing all the right things, but somehow your boyfriend knows you’re not ‘the one’ for him and he’ll end things once he finds his true love. It’s also likely you started dating soon after he ended another relationship and he’s only dating you because he’s lonely.

If your relationship were real, you’d be his top priority.

He probably only calls you when he’s been invited to a party and for sex! Somehow, you never just laze about on Sunday afternoons and he never says yes to your party invites.

You probably never feel able to discuss moving the relationship forward. He’s likely completely self-absorbed, rarely asks for your opinion and never truly listens to your replies or remembers what you said. A lack of interest in your views is a strong indication that you’re a placeholder.

Once he starts thinking about ending your relationship, you’ll notice him becoming even ‘busier’ with his work, family and friends.

He’ll become less patient, more argumentative and defensive. And he’ll start to ghost you, steadily fading out, both emotionally and physically.

So, even when he’s sitting next to you, he’s probably already a million miles away. His phone calls will gradually become less frequent, shorter and less meaningful. Suggestions of doing things together will sound more like “maybes” than anything to get excited about.

He’ll start saying things like, ‘Our relationship shouldn’t be this much work,’ or ‘Maybe we’re just too different.’ He’ll start pulling back, answering your messages less frequently and becoming less and less available.

Whole weekends will go by with no contact and when you do date, it’s always in a group setting. He’s started limiting the time you two spend alone together and has begun phasing you out.

Accept the inevitable and move on first.

All the best,

Chris