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What to do when your parents don't like your partner

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Choosing between your partner and family can be a rough place to find yourself (Photo: Courtesy)

 

Before we introduce our partners to our parents, we usually have a positive outlook on how things will go. We imagine our parents happily welcoming them into the family and that you will all be one big happy family.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen for everybody. It’s upsetting when you were expecting smiles and warm embraces only to be met with cold, hard rejection.

This is very complicated because you love both your parents and partner. Plus, there is no one who would choose to be in a situation where they have to cut someone off so, what do you do then?

Read on:

  • Understand where your parents are coming from

Our parents usually have more wisdom than we do because they have had more life experience. They are able to see different perspectives and this is the blessing of protection that parents provide for their kids.

So, before you respond or make any drastic decisions, you need to check if your parents actually have real concerns. They might have seen toxic traits like a hot temper or a narcissistic attitude in your partner that you might not have seen before.

Don’t approach this conversation with pride because you never know if they’re saving you from a terrible disaster. Listen to what they have to say and if you spot the issue they had raised in your partner, take it seriously.

Be very cautious when talking about the issue with your parents and listen to their concerns (Photo: Courtesy)
  • Communicate small concerns with your partner

If your parents have said a couple of things that you agree with, you should probably talk to your partner about it. If, for instance, there are small issues like etiquette mishaps, which often happen when two completely different cultures are involved, you can simply have that conversation and move forward peacefully.

This might be the simple solution that prevents a small misunderstanding from spiraling into something toxic. Be kind about it and just let them know what needs to change.

  • Don’t encourage disrespect

Even if your parents are having a hard time liking your partner, they shouldn’t overstep your boundaries. There should be no pettiness, no name calling and no unnecessary drama that might make the situation worse.

Of course, this also applies to your partner because both sides should maintain respect at all times.

Sometimes all they need is time to accept the person who could be a potential in-law (Photo: Courtesy)
  • Organize a meeting

Some situations can only be handled directly like this. There might be deep issues that have been going on for a while and the only way to try and mend the relationship is by having an honest conversation together.

Ensure that you remind everyone of the boundaries and invite a neutral party to bring in a new perspective if you need to.

  • Give it time

Some parents can be extremely protective when it comes to their kids. They might overthink certain aspects about your partner only because they are just trying to look out for you.

If you’re seeing that this is the case, you probably need to be patient. They might be nervous at first because they don’t really know your partner too well but, with time they might even be eager to have you and your partner over more often.

Don’t stress over small issues and just let their relationship flow organically.