Give King Kaguta 100-mile strip, or risk Kenyans being kept in the cooler for keeps

President William Ruto and his Ugandan counterpart Yoweri Museveni at State House, Nairobi. [HIRAM OMONDI/PCS]

King Yoweri Kaguta Museveni aka M7, the life Prezzo of the Matooke Republic of Uganda, the Marxist rebel whose traded fatigues for sombreros, and whose liberation mantra has been to enrich himself and his lineage for the last 40 years, has declared war with our beloved country.

This is a paraphrase of his war edict, delivered on a State broadcaster that he controls: "People go to war for less crimes, so I have been exceedingly patient all these years for not demanding access to the ocean sooner. How am I supposed to build navy capabilities to defend our borders when I cannot access the ocean? And how should I export matooke, which sprout from every inch our earth, if Uganda is land-locked?"