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Kalonzo's future lies in serious jeopardy, only he can save himself

By Peter Kimani | May 6th 2022 | 3 min read
Wiper Party Leader Kalonzo Musyoka. [Samson Wire, Standard]

Good morning Brother Steevo Kalonzo Musyoka aka Melon aka Wiperman aka former Veep. I send you warm greetings in this rainy season, when I suspect you are undergoing deep introspection, trying to understand where the rains started beating you.

As you might appreciate, your political future is in serious jeopardy. Over the next few hours, you have to make a life-defining decision. And given your indecision, things must be elephant!

Mark my word: this is your last, real chance to public legitimacy. Forget the presidency; that came and went in 2013. I’m talking of public legitimacy, the sort of “social capital” that Raila Odinga aka Tinga aka Baba has traded most of his political life, with handsome rewards.

But let’s not get bogged down with semantics, the way you did with that nonsense you called “structured dialogue,” without specifying your preferred shape. Now see where that got you! They have led you down the garden path to interview for a position that, only months ago, you thought was beneath you!

Let’s just concede: Umecheswo. You have been played. To be fair, you too, played along, but you have been outwitted. To this day, you have been unable to state your desires without equivocation. That’s what it means to be you.

And as you dithered, new centres of power have emerged. Some are led by chaps that you created and they know to stand a chance at success, they have to vanquish their creator. They are doing precisely that and will get even more vicious.

Still, you pursued that “structured dialogue” nonsense by signing a document with folks who were not interested in any sort of dialogue.

Now they are saying don’t even talk to them before you are cleared by some panel!

And their decision in determining Tinga’s running mate will be deducted from some animal called “scientific simulation.” Did they apply the same to Tinga?

Brother Steevo, since the idea is to humiliate you — don’t listen to the sarcastic wails of Bill Ruto — I want you to focus on your interests. That’s what Kalonzo does best, the embodiment of your public life. You have to make what former Bumula MP Wakoli Bifwoli used to call katekoriko declaration and announce your presidential run.

The deadline for that is only hours away, and perhaps that window might no longer be legally feasible. But what you are faced with is a political, not legal problem.

A few things will happen: it will signal to your partners that all bets are off, and a legal pact need not translate into political support. Secondly, if an entire break from your coalition is not possible, you can guide your supporters to throw their lot where you will be standing — and that will remain shifting, in keeping with your melon tradition.

Still, that’s a valid space to be in. By remaining transient, as always, you will throw the political scene into a quandary and perhaps disrupt the prospects of a decisive winner in the August polls. That will raise your stakes, now and in the future.

Should you quake in your boots about having to make such a monumental decision, you could humble yourself and talk about your “servant leadership” and declare you will serve in whatever capacity that either camp offers you, after the polls. That, too, is a valid space to be in. It will secure your melon interests.


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