Daily struggle of raising a picky eater

Daily struggle of raising a picky eater (Photo: iStock) At Joshua Onyango's home in Kisumu, dinner is a scene many parents will recognise. The ugali is steaming, the sukuma wiki glistens with onions and tomatoes, and the fish is fried golden brown. Yet six-year-old Brian Onyango folds his arms, pushes his plate away and declares: "Mum, I don't like sukuma!" His mother sighs. She has tried it all, coaxing, bribing and even scolding. Nothing works. Mealtimes, instead of being bonding moments, have become small battlefields. Family coach and counsellor, Catherin Mugendi, says Brian's story is not unique. "Across many households, parents grapple with picky eaters, children who refuse vegetables, reject new foods, or insist on the same dish every day. It is a silent but frustrating challenge, especially in a culture where food carries not only nutritional value but also deep social meaning," she says. Why do children become picky? Nutritionists say picky eating is common between the ages of two and seven. At this stage, they say, children are asserting independence and may fear unfamiliar textures or tastes. "Sometimes, it's simply about control as food is one of the few areas where a child can say no and hold power," explains Dr Miriam Otieno, a Nairobi-based pediatric nutritionist. The nutritionist says there are also cultural and modern influences at play. "Children today are exposed to flashy adverts for crisps, fried chicken, and soda," says Mary Wanjiku, a mother of three from Nakuru. "Convincing them that sweet potatoes or kunde are better is like scaling Mt Kenya," she says, grinning. Many average families often take pride in shared meals - ugali and sukuma, githeri, chapati and beans. Yet these traditional staples are exactly what picky eaters resist. Some children demand processed foods, while others refuse meat or vegetables altogether. "I only want chips," declares nine-year-old Aisha Duma in Mombasa, leaving her grandmother bewildered. "When we were growing up, we ate what was served," the grandmother says. "There was no negotiation," Mugendi says. Times have changed, and today's parents walk a delicate line trying to honour traditions while navigating children's strong preferences and the global fast-food wave. Emotional toll on parents For many mothers and fathers, picky eating brings guilt and stress. Some fear their child is malnourished. Others dread visitors, worrying they will be judged for not raising "good eaters." "I once cried after my daughter refused everything on her plate except a slice of mango," confesses Beatrice Mungai, a mother of three. "I felt like a failure," she reminisces. Experts emphasise that guilt only makes the situation worse. "Parents must remember picky eating is often a phase," says Dr Otieno. "It does not mean they are failing." Small wins, big lessons The Onyango family eventually found small victories. Instead of forcing Brian to eat sukuma, they mixed tiny pieces into his rice, served alongside his favourite fish. Slowly, he began to accept it. In Eldoret, another family introduced carrots by grating them into chapati dough. In Nyeri, a father convinced his son to try traditional arrowroots by calling them "energy boosters for football." "These small strategies show that persistence, creativity, and calmness often yield results," says Dr Otieno Beyond the plate: teaching values According to nutritionists, food is more than nutrition. It is also a lesson in patience, discipline, and family connection. Psychologists warn that constant battles can erode family bonds. "When every meal turns into a fight, children start associating the dining table with stress, and it is important to keep mealtimes relaxed," explains family therapist Lisa Wanjiro. Some families find storytelling helps. In Kisii, parents tell children that bananas make the brain sharp for school. In Turkana, mothers say milk makes warriors strong. Such narratives link food with identity and pride, not just taste. When to seek help While picky eating is usually harmless, nutrition experts say, red flags include extreme food refusal, poor growth, fatigue, or frequent illness. In such cases, pediatric advice is essential. "Don't wait until your child is severely underweight," Dr Otieno advises. "Seek guidance early." A phase worth patience For now, Brian still frowns at sukuma, but he no longer storms away from the table. His mother has stopped fighting and started celebrating small wins.

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