How lucky our waheshimiwa are that they have 'the pope' to defend them against the ever-conspiring and callous wanjiku.
Papa wa Roma, as Moses Wetang'ula calls himself, swore to be more than just a pope. He promised to be a guardian angel and a genie to grant the wahesh's every wish.
He may have oversold his ability to grant wishes, as events from this past week proved.
Weta was just chilling when a herd of starving MPigs - to borrow Boniface Mwangi's language - realised they were earning too little, which is strange given they are yet to earn their first salary.
Coupled with that was the discovery that CDF, every MP's piggy bank, had been scrapped.
The president, Bwana Hustler himuselefu, had before his inauguration assured of a framework to ensure the CDF kitty would stay in place. But that was not enough to quell the wahesh's fears, and so they flocked to Bwana Weta, wailing for protection.
They got help on the CDF matter, with a Bwana Yussuf Mbuno, who ‘runs’ the fund’s board, assuring that another version of the fund, identified as NG-CDF was in place and that the money would still come and so the wahesh still had a chance to recoup their campaign expenditure. (With the matter still in court, MPs should put off any celebrations.)
Treasury Waziri Ukur Yatani seemed to have missed the memo, stating later in the week that he would not be disbursing CDF, which he called a game changer in enhancing service delivery and in setting new standards of wastage.
Satisfied that Bwana Yatani is soon going home, MPs figured out they were better off concentrating their energy someplace else. And that's how they, all 348 of them, set their target on Lyn Mengich, the chairperson of the Salaries and Remuneration Commission, who despite what the MPs would have you believe, increased their pay and allowances.
All Madam Mengich did was scrap allowances that did not make sense, such as an allowance for sitting in Bunge, which is what the wahesh get paid to do.
“We will suffer,” they must have cried to Bwana Weta, given his assurance that the wahesh would live “incrementally” and not “by reduction.”
“In your constituency, you are a funeral undertaker, a midwife, an extension officer… my leadership will ensure that we facilitate you to discharge some of these unexpected demands from the public,” Speaker Weta told MPs.
But despite Weta’s assurances, Madam Mengich, wanjiku’s frontrunner for national hero, held her ground, refusing to be arm-twisted by the wahesh who threatened to slash her office’s budget, killing Papa wa Roma’s dream to be the granter of wishes.