Like it or not, being single is not fun

Like it or not, being single is not fun (Photo: iStock) Never in the course of human existence has dating been more calculated than today, what with players aiming daggers at one another for self-defence. If a man kills a girl, who has been receiving cash from him under the pretext of love, some men will justify the cat while some women will label the man as weak and cannot stand losing a few coins. Some groups will swing to action to ensure such people are punished. Men, on the other hand, lacking the skills to win such fights, will most likely end up in jail. They are satisfied by the fact that the money eater is no longer alive. We have evolved into a generation that both despises and relies on one another. We're joined at the hip, like siamese twins standing at the mouth of Bermuda's triangle, staring into the darkness inside. Because the sword is double-edged, the more we aim the dagger at the other party, the more it stabs us, which we stubbornly refuse to accept. In reality, this is a bloody war that no one appears to be winning as we maintain a straight face in public and ignore the cries and complaints of the other gender. Finally, we're left bleeding in the ring - and dying together while gripping the opponent's jugular vein tightly. In the midst of the rage, it is fair to say that we as a society have decided that two dead are better than one. Our news channels are flooded with deaths resulting from love triangles or crimes of passion. Cases of spouses killing each other are also on the rise, with gunmen in high demand to eliminate a wife or a husband here or there. Our generation is at a watershed moment in which love is being called into question and pushed down the pecking order by otherwise very logical arguments. Love is now dismissed as a lack of reasoning. Arithmetically, each side has a well-planned matrix outlining how long dating must last. Because relationships have become purely transactional, the project script specifies what each gender should be doing at different ages. Girls are encouraged to avoid the outdated trend of early marriages in their twenties, instead focusing on having fun and pushing themselves to the highest level of education and corporate positioning before considering marriage. Childbearing is a shackle that they are encouraged to put off as long as possible. Men, on the other hand, believe that young men should spend their adolescence developing a masculine frame in order to be in control of their future. The result of these calculated moves is that women spend their best years strutting the streets in high heels and bossing life while riding on machines owned by married men who can afford the cost of a good life at the time. Male counterparts who feel cheated out of the juicy years of their female counterparts mature in their forties and look for younger women to replicate the cycle. Logically, the imbalance leads to a large number of side chics and single women having children without a grounded father because the child is usually sired by a man who is committed elsewhere to his family or a Ben 10 who cannot afford his own pants, let alone diapers for the baby. When a woman mentions a family, the Ben10 drops out of college and runs to Maputo on foot. On the other side of the divide, men are confronted with an even more serious problem as they savour the sumptuous younger women whose libido outnumbers their dwindling virility. Unfortunately, neither big cars nor the comfort of large homes can satisfy the need for a swarm of nerve endings that converge at a single point. Because of the imbalance, the younger wives, who are driven by peak oestrogen levels, are forced to rely on the young gym instructors in their affluent neighbourhoods to fill in the gaps. Their men may be too busy to focus on their wives' bodily needs, or they may be unable to meet the threshold due to declining drive. It is common knowledge that no high-security barrier can deter a woman from seeking a masculine grip. In the long run, while we are locked in an endless battle trying to figure out how men and women must relate, we are all fainting in the ring and bleeding to death.

Like it or not, being single is not fun

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