Second chances are rare, I won’t waste mine

Eddy Kimani had it all - a good job, fame, wife and two beautiful children. In 2014, his life took a different turn and things have never been the same again. He shares the story of his second chance at life with JACQUELINE MAHUGU.

Why did you leave the media?

I’ve always believed in throwing myself into the deep end and taking on new challenges. After being in the media for quite sometime, I got a call in early 2014 to become the director of communications in my home county, Nakuru. I felt it was a good opportunity to do something decent in the public service but still related to what I was good at.

How did that go?

You know, a lot of things had happened in my early days at the county government. I had left a nice paying job and taken a pay cut for the public service job. I had been running a successful instant photography business in Nairobi called Party Photobox, but I had to shut it down because I could not run it from Nakuru. I had to drop a lot of things so that I could focus on my job in Nakuru. It got tough and the business ideas I had did not take off. So the loans that I had taken to set up businesses came calling. Things started collapsing.

How bad did it get?

Things got from bad to worse. I got stressed, which led me to making the wrong decisions. I was unfaithful and this strained my marriage. This was the beginning of problems that would turn my life upside down. For four years, things were really tough, all this was honestly self-inflicted. I was in so much debt, struggled to be a father and a husband at the same time. My world started collapsing and there’s nothing much I could do.

My job ended during the last elections and I was back to the drawing board.

By the time I was leaving the county government in August 2017, I had already separated with my wife, I had not seen my children for a long time - I would see them periodically but not long enough for them to view me as a father.

I was at my wit’s end because I was not with my family, and I had no place to call home. I did something a 39-year-old man could never have thought of doing - I went back home to my mother’s house. I had to stay there for a number of months after being kicked out of an apartment I had rented in Nakuru. My belongings were auctioned. I was in a mess.

That must have been hard...

I hid the things that were going on in my life from most people. My close friends and siblings knew, and stood by me and they still do. One of my friends housed me for two months.

It was quite demoralising for me as a man, being so dependent, having been at the top of my career with people looking up to me.

You mentioned Bell’s Palsy in a certain video circulating on social media?

One morning during a meeting in the office, I was seated next to my boss, I had a metallic taste on my tongue and suddenly my face started going numb, my eyes were tearing – I was basically getting numb on the left side of my face. I shared with a colleague, a doctor, what was happening to me. He told me to get out immediately and go to the hospital. In Nakuru, they were not quite sure what it was. That is when I decided to get a second opinion and I came to Nairobi. After a few checks by a neurologist I was told I have Bell’s Palsy. It is a condition where a certain nerve in your head collapses and forces muscles in your head not to work. The doctor in Nairobi told me I had 48 hours before it got worse.

This hit my already damaged self-esteem. For around four months, I had to walk around with an eye patch.

Like a pirate…

(Laughs) Yeah I looked like I was in perpetual Halloween. It affected me mentally because I still had to continue going to work. I hoped people understood that it was a condition and I was not pulling a prank on anybody, with my mouth swaying to one side.

How did you cope?

I turned to alcohol, it was the easiest thing to do. In November 2017, I went to Mombasa for a month-long gig.

These are the small things which kept me alive and going, even as I fought my demons. I still aggressively did not want to make up for the mistakes I had made. It was a temporary gig and when it ended, that was when things got really tough. I decided to stay in Ukunda, thinking I was running away from my demons.

But they stayed right there with you, didn’t they?

Oh yes. I got a small room in Diani. One day I decided to take a walk and stopped by a bakery. I was not stopping there, to eat, just to rest because it was a hot day and I needed to sit down. I sat down and the guy behind me tapped the shoulder and asked, “Are you Eddy Kimani?” It was such a heavy moment because I thought I was hiding from people who would recognise me. His name is Peter Mwakuona.

We ended up talking for almost four hours. I gave him my whole story. He was a very religious man and on the spot he decided to pray for me. I kept going back. I would wait for him to open his bakery so that we could just sit and talk and spend time with him. He talked to me like a father and we became good friends.

How did you end up back in Nairobi?

One day my wife called and told me she wanted me to go back home. We had not spoken for a very long time. She told me she wanted me to attend a meeting at our first born son’s school. I have two sons who are 7 and 14. I did not want to go, even though all along I had been suffering because I had not seen my children. I told Peter and he advised me to go.

Did you heed his advice?

I did, and that was the last time I was ever in Ukunda. After seeing my children again, spending time with them and catching up, one thing led to another and we started talking with my wife. Within that period that I had been away in Ukunda, I had had a lot of time to do some introspection. It was a therapeutic way to make that turnaround. I started listening to God more and medidating on his word.

How did your wife manage?

She is one of the heroes in this story. If she had wanted to be bitter for the rest of her life she would easily have done that. She gave us space to repair what I had broken.

As I was settling back home, getting my things back to where they used to be, I stumbled on a notebook. In it she had several prayers for me and our marriage. That was one of the things that made me see the worth of doing what you have to do to fight for what you believe in. She played a big part in making this work. I really respect her for that.

How did finding the notebook feel?

It blew me away. Totally. I broke down because it was a prayer to God for me. It was not about herself. She fought for it, like I did afterwards. When two people have something and you both fight for it, the more success you will have in making it work. She provided an environment where we could both fight for what we had solemnised.

So you moved back home?

Yes, and I was surprised that she let me. We put all our issues on the table and we focused on what we wanted to do. She had changed. She had been very bitter because I had hurt her very badly. I noticed there was something in her, very positive and I was drawn to it. That was one of the things that made me question myself, because if she was able to come to peace with it, why could I not come to peace with what I had done. I think I was also angry.

Why were you angry?

I was angry at myself and at the things that I had done. That is one of the things that usually brings men down. You are so angry at yourself and you forget to look inside you and forgive yourself. I had not been to church for a long time and we started going to church with her. I know that had a very big effect on healing our family.

It slowly built up from there. It was not smooth. We still had a lot to patch up but I can tell you one thing for sure – where we were when I came back home to my family is not where we are right now. We are far ahead. The worst is all behind us. It is now about us being there for our children and strengthening our marriage. It is not smooth-sailing, we have our moments but there is a lot of compromising.

How did your children process the whole experience?

My firstborn had many questions and they still come up. I try as much as possible to make him understand. I sat down with him and told him what I did. I showed him the video where I talked about it on the ‘Engage Talks’. Told him why I did it. He understands where we are now and where we are going. One of the biggest things I can give them as a father is just to show them that you can actually fall down, be able to stand again and make yourself better. That you can learn from your mistakes. The firstborn has just started high school this week and the second one has started standard one this week. They are all happy, my wife is happy, but it has not been easy. It is work in progress.

Did you get better healthwise?

The Bell’s Palsy still affects me today. Like right now as I speak to you, I am numb. My eye tears a lot also or sometimes twitches a lot. But I am better than the way it was and I am now just managing it.

What are you up to now?

I am involved in quite a number of things. We have just finished Tinga Tinga the musical, which was one of my 2018 revelations. I had not acted in a long time. When I came back home and made up with my family, I got a call and was cast in Tinga Tinga as Lion. We had a very good and successful run at the Kenya National Theatre. After that, in October we went to Broadway in New York. It is a dream for any actor to act in Broadway and that is why I am saying it was a revelation for me. In 2018, after all those things had happened to me, God just came through for me.

Are you still in touch with Peter?

He has a franchise in Mombasa, but when we met he had just started the bakery in Ukunda. A month or two after I left, he was involved in a car accident which crushed his legs but he is now back on his two feet. The amazing thing is he had to shut down the Ukunda bakery and go back to Mombasa. We are still great friends and this is how we look at it between me and him; that my meeting him was ordained, because if I had not met him, I do not know where I would be right now. It was as if he had been placed there just to get me here. He was my Damascus moment. He opened the bakery in Bamburi and it is thriving even more than the Ukunda one. I am planning to go to Mombasa in the course of the year for both of our families to meet and just appreciate what God did for us.