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Bad things only happen to good girls

By BY SHIRLEY GENGA | November 4th 2013


There are a lot of things I do not understand.

For instance, I do not understand why I am addicted to boiled maize; I also do not understand why any woman should still be walking around in bolero coat in 2013. Or how the idea of skinny jeans for men was even conceived. However, the most mind-boggling thing for me is why anyone would willingly play the role of the so-called ‘good girl’.

The one often labelled by society as the woman every little girl should emulate when they grow up.

 She is not too loud or forward, she is humble (code word for does not have opinions that go against her man’s), kind, sweet, giving, forgiving, very understanding and best of all self-sacrificing (a.k.a for always puts others before her needs).


From the time we are little girls we are told if you are a good girl everything always work out for you. And you will ride off into the happily ever after sunset.

These often leads to delusions of grandeur for women.

Some have been duped into thinking that loving harder, being understanding, or cooking his favourite meal every night can turn “Mr wondering eye” into a saint.

Unfortunately, being the so-called good girl by, for instance, taking the role of breadwinner always end tragically. Your man, in most cases, becomes lazy and spends his money on unimportant things like nyama choma and on his ‘boyz’.

A good girl is that self-sacrificing woman who allows her man to put his job and friends before her. Alternatively, she can be that mother who allows her man to avoid any active involvement in raising their children. And only chip in with a financial contribution or the occasional Sunday fun day, because of course her man is too busy to be involved in parenting.

Women will often endure all the above and more in the name of being the good girls. Yet when you critically look at the supposed qualities that come with that tag, you realise its just a code word for ‘docile doormat’.


So why is being the good girl so attractive for so many women? Because of the genius way it is sold to women. Proponents of that school of thought that brought about that good girl rubbish, often use enticing tag lines. For instance, its common to hear them claim ‘women are the glue that stick a relationship or the family together’.

A tag line that is somehow supposed to offer comfort to wife on those cold nights, when she does not have the slightest clue where her man is.

I always wonder, can’t a man also be the glue that sticks the family together? How is a relationship that requires two partners only supposed to work if only one party does all the understanding?

Speak her mind

The ‘bad girl’, however, seems to have it all. She gets to speak her mind. She feels no obligation to tolerate anything she does not like. She understands her needs, and is not afraid to express herself, basically she is no docile doormat, and she’s happier for it!

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