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Hi Chris,
Gradually, over the years, the fire has gone out of our marriage. We bicker a lot, and almost lead separate lives.
My husband works late and spends endless evenings in the bar, and we have not been intimate in years. What is wrong with him? And what can I do about it?
No Fire
Chris says,
Hi, No Fire!
Every marriage has three important ingredients. If they are strong and well-balanced, then you will be happy together. And if not? Then you are probably miserable. These ingredients are the components of all relationships.
What makes marriage unique is that it needs all three, while all other relationships only have one or two of them. So a marriage where one of the ingredients is missing is some other sort of relationship.
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The first ingredient is commitment; hard work and loyalty is what counts. The second is emotional intimacy. Happy couples spend a lot of time together, touch lots and sit close, do chores together, eat together, and go to bed at the same time.
They do not make love every time they are alone together. They often just talk and enjoy each other's company. But the last of the ingredients is physical intimacy. And successful couples do seem to make love a lot!
So your marriage needs to have a good mix of emotional intimacy, passion and commitment if it is to be successful.
But what should you do now things have become unbalanced? Well, stay committed for a start. And set time aside just to be together. At least 30 minutes or so every day - no children, no phones, no TV.
So you can rediscover the joys of just talking and being close, like when you were dating. And then? Just do it! Once you are emotionally intimate, you will find yourselves getting horny again. So do not miss any opportunities!
And watch your expectations. The next time your husband is driving you nuts, ask yourself whether you are also giving him the love, commitment and passion he needs. Because it is only when you have met his needs that you have any right to complain about your own.
All the best,
Chris
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