Seeking partner with similar sexual disorder

THE LOUNGE

I was born with a permanent condition known as primary vaginismus.  I have sought both medical and psychological counselling, but I was told I will remain tight for good. I hear some women leave their men because they can’t perform or are too small. For me, I think this is the kind of man I need because we would be able to understand each other. These men are suffering, but there are also women who are going through the same. I believe love or marriage or even companionship, can be fulfilling without sex. I am pretty both inside and out, well mannered, humble, humorous and a good listener. Please help me; I need a partner who is like me.

    {Wendo}

Your take

How sad… I’m sure your sex life must be horrid and that intercourse must be rough and painful for you. Can’t something be done, say surgery? Either way, I pray you will find a man who will understand your condition and be patient with you.

(Eddo)

It is so touching to have someone coming forward and sharing an experience like this. You are not alone my dear. I have a similar problem— all my relationships have never worked because of that, but I believe you can get help from a professional doctor.

(Stephen Mutete)   

With your condition, it may be difficult to find an honest partner who would accept you as you, despite your ‘weakness’. All in all, I still believe there is a man who would be willing to share his life with you. All you need to do is to be honest to him about what you are going through and seek counselling together on how you can have a fulfilling sexual life. This will help strengthen the bond in your relationship.

(Mercy Wambui)

There is more to a relationship or marriage than just sex. My advice to you is to focus on your other strengths, for instance, work on making your personality. Once you attract a real man, he is likely to overlook your weaknesses including your medical condition.

(Smith Okunyanyi)

Love and marriage is not all about having sex and children. The Bible puts it clear that children are a gift from God. Many people with the same condition suffer in silence, and it is good you have opened up. God loves you so much and may your dreams come true!

( Ben Shikuku)

Your condition would make sex painful and unsatisfying unless you get the right partner. Marriage is not all about sex though. Get help from a medical specialist, I believe that’s not a permanent problem.

(Tasma Charles)

Counsellor’s take

My take:

    Wendo, this condition is not permanent; it is actually categorised among the most successfully treatable female sexual disorders. In one of his elaborate articles, Dr Alfred Murage said it can be caused by physical or psychological conditions or a mix of both. He, however, emphasised on the need to identify the actual cause of this condition, which is the key to successfully treating and managing the disorder. Dr Murage can be reached on e-mail ([email protected]). I encourage you to give it one last shot before proceeding to look for a man with a compatible sexual disorder. Getting such a man early is actually getting a permanent solution for what may be a temporary problem. You may get a man with a sexual disorder, then you find a doctor who can sort this out, then trouble will start brewing right there. If another doctor confirms it is permanent, then go for it but give it one last try.

    {Taurus}