When a girl is defiled...

By Jennifer Karina

Defilement and rape of young girls has become depressing as it maybe the order of the day. This beastly act, violates a girl’s basic rights, destroys her innocence, threatens her environment thus distorting her world view and assumptions of self and significant others.

When a girl is defiled, she goes through a lot of emotions, the primary one being fear of being killed or seriously injured by the abuser, guilt, shame, anger and resentment. As a result, she suffers low self-esteem, lack of confidence and self-worth. Tragic as it may be, these cases are increasing.

Recently, the media reported a case where a Kiambu teacher allegedly defiled a number of his students. In May, a primary school in Taita Taveta was shut down after parents withdrew 350 students from the school due to continuous sexual abuse by certain teachers.

With such statistics, one is bound to wonder, how safe are our minors when in the care of their teachers, mentors and caregivers? That is a topic for another day.

Today, I will dwell on the emotional and psychological effects the victims of rape experience later in life.

Here is a good case example: Mary was abused when she was a child. Her Mathematics tutor who gave her private lessons at home, would often defile her and threaten her if she reported it.

She was so scared of the man, she never told anybody, not even her parents. Mary blamed herself for what happened and disliked all men she met. She  grew up angry and bitter.  Later on, she met her prince charming who melted her fears and they got married.

Much as Mary loved her husband and wanted things to work, their marriage encountered several challenges.

First she dreaded sex and getting intimate with her husband was a nightmare. Every touch reminded her of her abuser and she froze in fear.

 As a result, her husband felt rejected, unloved, confused and lonely. This situation widened the gap between them and she finally resolved to seek professional help to save the marriage.

From this example, it is clear that as parents, we need to talk to our daughters often so that if there is any abuse she is facing, she is free to let  it out in good time. It is our responsibility as parents, to equip our daughters with the right information and empower them to face their attackers.

Here are useful guidelines parents can share with their daughters:

• If one feels any discomfort with a person near them, they should follow their gut feeling and flee as fast as possible.

• The need to have boundaries with the men they frequently interact with from the uncles, to the male teachers and friends.

• The importance of possessing  assertive skills. Parents can instil this by continuously talking to their adolescents on their sexuality and ingraining positive values and beliefs in them.

• While we empower the girls, it is also important to teach the boys responsibility and the importance of self-respect.

• Above all, girls and boys should be taught to fear God and live by His principles.

• Finally, if a minor is defiled, silence is not the solution. They need to seek help and get immediate medical and psychological support.