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A second marriage isn’t for the weak

By -ZAWADI LOMPISHA | May 11th 2013


Having a friend who is in a second marriage is exciting, especially if their first marriage was a complete disaster and now the person is very happy, and it is clear the two are a perfect match. I don’t know too many people who are in their second marriage, but when there are problems, it is complicated.

When in a first marriage, the problems are numbered 1,2,3…, but in a second one, — 1a,b, c…

I was recently having tea with a friend when a friend of hers popped into the café. Apparently, they hadn’t seen each other for a while and I soon realised I was going to have to sit through her updating my friend on her ‘dramatic’ life! She was a good sport and included me by saying “Any friend of Hannah’s, is a friend of mine.”

Ex-wife drama

Having been given the permission to listen to the conversation, I was all ears. Apparently, this woman was in her second marriage and in her own words, “we’re happy, save for a few hiccups here and there”, which to me sounded like a normal marriage.

Her drama apparently started when her husband’s ex-wife mentioned to her that he had loaned her money to buy a car. Apparently, the ex-wife got the children’s custody, which meant  she had access to the ex-husband. This woman’s problem wasn’t the fact that her husband had loaned his ex-wife money, but that she didn’t know about it.

One of the conditions they set with the help of their pre-marital counsellor was that any dealings the husband had with his ex-wife should be known to his current wife.

The explanation her husband gave for not informing her of the decision was not satisfactory. What with her own car needing an urgent upgrade, which they had postponed for a while due to their financial situation.

Her husband’s insistence that he bought the car because he cared about his children’s safety wasn’t convincing. After attempting to resolve the impasse without success, they decided to see their counsellor. After a few visits, they were able to resolve the problem and re-write the rules.

As the woman left my friend and I to continue with our date, I couldn’t help thinking about how much more care must be taken in handling a second marriage.


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