Condom use in marriage

The rubber talk has always been a flaming wound on the skin of the Roman Catholic church — but the pandora’s box had been opened once again. GARDY CHACHA explores the hot debate

Just last week, priests and diehard Catholics went up in arms against an advert by a group calling itself Catholics for Choice, which had the message: “...we believe in using condoms.”

The brouhaha wasn’t shocking since it is known that condom talk has always been a flaming wound on the skin of the Roman Catholic church — but the Pandora’s Box had been opened once again.

They say necessity is the mother of invention and so the need to prevent unplanned pregnancies and to cover for sexually transmitted infections brought fun to the mind of thinking humans; a fun which gifted humanity with a one-fits-all solution in form of a rubber sheath.

The subject has, for many years, revolved around validity of using condoms. Twisted further, marriage  poses a bigger quagmire.

“Condom use or not is a matter of personal choice,” says Sheila Wachira, a relationship expert in Nairobi.

“Couples must always consider what works for them and what makes their partners feel valued. Couples must agree on the use or lack of it, and agree on better options available and acceptable to both parties,” the relationship expert advises.

Marital bed

Sheila explains that the campaign by mainstream Catholics against condom use reflects a people’s belief system, which should not be prejudiced.

However, she says the practicality of a condom-free society does not blend with modern life today, since from the time condoms came into existence, reasons for its use have evolved and increased.

She admonishes that if there is a valid reason — scientific or otherwise — that would call for condom use, then credence should be allowed as it is only prudent compared to regrets of not using it.

She says: “Depending on the situation a couple is facing, condoms can prove quite valuable for both parties in marriage.

“Consider a situation where hormonal contraceptives have adverse side effects on the woman such as hypertension, weight gain and heavy bleeding during menses. In such a case, a condom is quite a viable option as birth control option.”

Father Joseph Mwangi, a priest at Nakuru’s Holy Cross Catholic Church says marriage is a sacred institution through which God enjoins two individuals and makes them one. He expounds that artificial birth control is morally wrong and sinful.

“According to biblical teachings, God ordered Adam and Eve — as parents of the human race — to procreate and fill the earth. Therefore, it is sinful to interfere with God’s arrangement of procreation on marital bed. Artificial birth control devalues sex’s purpose and diminishes responsibility,”  notes the priest.

Dr Richard Muraga of Family Health Options Kenya, says veracity of condom use — in curtailing of disease spread or preventing unwanted pregnancy — is scrupulous. He argues that humans can’t afford to uphold ignorance in disfavour of reality check. As a medical specialist, he dwells on facts expressively witnessed on a daily basis in several places of the world; that if a healthy person gets into a physically connubial relationship with an infected party without using a condom (or some form of it), then it is medically plausible that infection occurs.

“When you have any sexual relations with a person who is infected with HIV, it does not matter whether it is your wife or husband because you will be infected,” says the doctor. “If there is some amount of doubt in the health status of a partner, then my advice is for a couple is to use condoms; there is no pleasure in imagining that your partner is healthy only for them to infect you afterwards.”

A Catholic couple we talked to but who wanted their identities protected as they serve at their church parish explained the cul-de-sac they’ve found themselves mired in. *Florence and *George Kanyi, despite having religiously stayed under the protective folds of Roman Catholic doctrines, think that “use of condoms to protect each other when there’s need” is a line of thought they prescribe to.

Conjugal duties

Florence says, “The church does not support use of condom in whichever manner. That is part of our faith but personally, I tend to incline towards a different mind set: Health safety is quite paramount. At the same time, if I feel that condom is the safest contraceptive, then I have to engage my husband into the conversation that would make him understand the odds.”

Her husband George, says he values quality and disease free-life. According to him, many more practicing Catholics hide behind the ‘mob’ doctrinal facade; a dictum issued down from the church’s helm in Italy. Ideally, he says, Catholics are also realistic humans who wouldn’t put their lives at risk in the name of protecting a section of their faith that they don’t seem to mount understanding on.

Pastor Tony Mungai of a local Christian church says the reason there seems to be a lot of discontent with the subject of condoms in marriage is that many have different belief systems and doctrines on marriage. It is even more mistake to narrow it into sex.

“The role of sex in marriage is procreation and for oneness brought  by pleasure — which is the Christian approach. When the people break the oneness, is there any need to stay faithful?” the pastor asks rhetorically.

“A couple should be formally guided by the holy spirit. In the event that a couple preffer a certain method of family planning, they should understand that each one has a negative part to it. Ultimately, whether condom or something else, even medically, couples blend differently with different contraceptives; and this fact can’t be ignored.”

Pastor Tony says in the event that at least one partner is infected with a venereal illness, based on the labyrynth of possibilities, it would be better to critically discern the situaton.  In the same breath, Sheila agrees that if one spouse is infected with HIV or suspects a possible infection, then it should not be allowed that they assume conjugal duties while they bury heads in the sand, refusing to acknowledge possible dangers.

Forbidden truth

“Negative perceptions about condom use as a tool of promiscuity or religious reprisals can make it seem so negative. If, as a believer, one feels that using a condom goes against one’s conscience and religious beliefs, they should, however, not use it to promote harm where it could occur,” says Sheila.

Condom use in marriage still remains a red button for many pundits. Judging by the number of people who declined to voice their understanding on request, whether it’s in the institution of marriage or the social convention on sex, condom sounds like a forbidden truth that reminds many of our flawed nature as humans.