Make love happen

By Jennifer Karina

For the last two years, Mercy has not enjoyed sexual intimacy with her partner. She complains: “I switched off the moment he started criticising me. The fire is no longer there.”

Like Mercy, many couples have a similar story, either as a result of childhood experiences, abuse, religious guilt, poor self image or unresolved conflicts leading to sexless relationships. 

Regardless of your circumstances, this is the year to let go and make love happen! It all begins with a change of attitude.Sexual intimacy is intended not only for procreation but also for your pleasure, a precious gift that needs nurturing.

Relationships can be negatively affected by lack of a fulfilling sexual relationship.  It begins with your attitude, self-esteem and self-awareness. 

Self-esteem is all about how you view yourself as an individual. If you value yourself, have a good sense of self-worthm your relationships will thrive too.

Here are a few tips to help you build a positive self-image:

Listen to yourself talking

Do you ever listen to what you’re saying to yourself? Do you have a positive body image or do you put yourself down most of the time?  Begin to have a mental dialogue with yourself and see what happens. Remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Amplify your positives.

Be tolerant

Make every effort not to be too critical of yourself. We all make mistakes and learn from them. When you do, don’t be too hard on yourself.  Make a list of your accomplishments and review them periodically. You will begin to appreciate yourself and your self-worth.

When criticised, do not take it personally. However, if the criticism is unjustified, the secret is open communication, forgiveness and learning to let go. Forget keeping the record of wrong as it only makes you resentful.

Be the first to act

Why sit back and be miserable waiting for your partner to make the first move? Go ahead and be the one to make the difference.

Communicating at every level is what keeps the flame of love alive. Learn to be assertive and always be clear in your communication. Let your ‘yes’ be a ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be a ‘no’.When communicating disappointments, do so with gentleness and respect, but by all means communicate. 

Exercise more non-verbal communication — this means more touching, feeling and kissing.

Go for a body massage

Pampering oneself is magical and does wonders to your body. It will help to build up the self-esteem and sexual energies.  Explore your body and you will relax and appreciate your giftedness. 

Deal with baggage

If there is baggage in your life that you have carried for too long, address and deal with it regardless of how challenging or painful it may be.

If you follow these simple steps, your relationship will thrive again.May this year bring with it new beginnings, much joy, love and happiness. Go for it! It’s your season!  

The writer is a relationship coach and author Marriage Built to Last.  You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke