Post-wedding blues

Marriage is a major transition. More likely than not, you will realise your partner may be going through similar emotions. You may also have expected a fairytale ending but get hit by realities of marriage life, says NANCY NJAGI-MBITHI

It was interesting to hear my good friend Mercy, tell me how excited she was as a bride. How the feeling was special: Being the most sort after person for the day. Mercy enjoyed the attention she was receiving; she wished this day would never end. But, come 6pm she caught my attention once again and made me aware that it was all over as the music stopped. The master of ceremony turned off his microphone, guests began sorting their transport back to their homes, and the best couple eager to get Mercy and her husband to their home. Yes, it was all over, just like that!

Mercy was sad, but I’d like to call it — the post-wedding blues. Sadly, brides are never warned about this.

Post-wedding blues can occur at the end of the wedding day, day-after or a few weeks after. Before Mercy was whisked away, I was quick to let her know that what she was experiencing was perfectly normal.

It is normal because many brides spend months planning for their wedding. Actually, their whole life revolves around the wedding as all energies and emotions are directed towards making it a memorable day. Then the wedding day comes and it’s one of the few times in life that everything is all about you. Everybody stops just for you. Even the cars on the road and the bystanders are all waving at the bride and hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

So when the day has come and gone, it’s not uncommon for a bride to find herself thinking, "Where did everybody go?" "What now?" With no wedding tasks at hand, a bride can suddenly find herself with lots of time on her hands and no big event to look forward to. However, it is important to keep in mind you have just married your best friend and the love of your life. So it’s essential to move your focus gradually from "the big day" to "the marriage" and build a new life together.

Counter the blues

Simple steps of dealing with the blues

• One general rule of dealing with any sort of blues is to talk to someone. Talk to your partner or your best friend.

You may be feeling blue because there is nothing to look forward to, or even a sense of loss after the wedding because a big life-changing event has just occurred, albeit a positive one. After all, you have just left your single life behind. And even though you are confident that you married the right person, it’s perfectly okay to mourn the loss of your former life and feel a little sad.

• Another general rule is; do not isolate yourself, instead share your life with others. Plan to have friends and family over to visit your new home. Plan some outings with your spouse and other friends or family. You do not have to wait for your anniversary dinner to invite people over. Celebrate your first month in marriage; celebrate six months; remembering that every step is a milestone. However, do not overdo it, plan to have your ‘you’ time.

• The third general rule; take some time out to relax and recuperate. The wedding planning process can take a toll on the two of you, physically and emotionally. So when the big day has come and gone, the presents have been opened and the dress and tuxedo put away, take some time to just stop and spend some quiet time together. Get cosy and relax at home, or plan some dates that you didn’t have time for during the frenzied engagement process. Have a good time together and start enjoying life as a married couple without the sense of urgency and stress you likely felt in the months leading to the wedding.

• Find a new hobby that interests both of you because sharing a new interest will bring couples closer together and give them a mutual passion.