Harsh economic times straining relationships

Times when families could go through life without the stresses of life, educate their children, and generally provide for them are long gone. Modern families have been forced to live the hard way amid job losses, a sky-high cost of living, and the effects of climate change. A government report now reveals that this has led to a rising number of separations, leaving thousands of children in single-parent households.

The latest report by the National Drought Management Authority (NDMA) states that two million people are food insecure, explaining that about 3,000 children are now living with single parents a year after the National Bureau of Statistics noted an increase in divorces, with one in every 18 households experiencing separation. Tragically, some parents feel compelled to marry off their daughters at a tender age, trading their innocence for necessities.

The prevalence of child marriages underscores the grim reality faced by many families, where cultural norms clash with harsh economic conditions, according to the report. Additionally, the report highlights the desperate measures taken by families, including teenage girls resorting to transactional sex to survive and put food on the table.

"Child protection concerns include family separation, which impacted 3,106 children (1,493 girls, 1,613 boys); violence, including sexual violence, affecting 3,013 children (1,567 girls, 1,446 boys); child marriages affecting 583 children (555 girls, 28 boys) attributed to harmful cultural beliefs and practices, high levels of illiteracy, and poor parenting; and teenage pregnancies affecting 32,416 girls and attributed to negative coping mechanisms such as transactional sex for food and essential commodities such as sanitary towels," the report said.

Pundits and single parents told The Nairobian that behind closed doors, financial strain takes a heavy toll on both partners. Jemima, a single mother of two kids, explained that sleepless nights are spent worrying about unpaid bills and bleak futures. “Pride and ego clash with the harsh reality of limited prospects, leading to blame and recrimination between couples,” she said. According to the NDMA report titled “Assessment Report: Impact of the 2023 Short Rains Season on Food and Nutrition Security,” child protection concerns include family separation affecting 3,106 children, violence (including sexual violence) impacting 3,013 children, child marriages affecting 583 children, and teenage pregnancies affecting 32,416 girls. These issues are attributed to harmful cultural beliefs, high levels of illiteracy, poor parenting, and negative coping mechanisms like transactional sex for essential commodities.

“Teenage pregnancies in the 23 counties totaled 32,416 with girls 15-19 years (29,992) being the most impacted. Contributing factors include child marriage, poor parenting, high levels of poverty and displacement. Negative coping mechanisms such as transactional sex for food and essential commodities such as sanitary towels contributed to teenage pregnancy,” said the report. It adds that the Directorate of Children’s Services has provided services to children identified during the reporting period including case management such as family reunification, cash transfers, and psychosocial support.”

Pundits and the state report explained that beyond the stark statistics of rising divorce rates lies a tapestry of human stories, each woven with threads of struggle, sacrifice, and shattered dreams. They added that job losses and economic uncertainty lead families to grapple with impossible choices, weakening once-solid foundations. For many couples, separation becomes a last resort due to overwhelming economic pressures. “The acute integrated food security phase classification (IPC) places 300,000 of the affected population in emergency (IPC Phase 41) and 1.7 million in crisis (IPC Phase 3). Households classified in IPC Phase 3 or above are considered to be in urgent need of humanitarian assistance to protect livelihoods and reduce food consumption gaps,” the NDMA report said.

Faith Mwende, who mentors couples, said that the impact of financial strain following floods, droughts, and job losses is staggering, with distressing trends emerging as families navigate economic downturns. She added that thousands of children are left in the hands of single parents, reflecting the human cost of these crises. Mwende challenged people not to get into marriage for financial gain. She said that marriage is affected by many factors and that people should be open and talk. “Marriage is about companionship. We need to create time and goals. Social media is taking the companionship, denying marriage attention,” she said, adding that “some people marry for financial gain.” She also blamed the divorce on social pressure, saying that some couples are competing with others for no reason. “For marriage to work, a lot has to be done. The cost of living has gone up in these hard economic times. There has been a lot of modernization, and divorce has become the norm. Couples should be clear from day one,” she said, adding, “People should stop marrying because of financial stability because things can change. You need to know how to handle conflict.” She called on couples to plan how they handle situations.

Individuals like Robert Muigai, who was interviewed by a local media house, explaining how his wife ran away from him, find themselves thrust into turmoil as their families unravel. Muigai, a mason, shared his distressing ordeal, where growing distrust and unresolved issues led to his wife leaving with their children, leaving him struggling to provide for them. “We’ve had our usual household differences, but they never escalated to physical altercations. My wife and I have been together for 10 years. I’m the one who looks for odd jobs because I don’t have a steady job while she takes care of the children,” revealed Robert.

As the sole provider, Muigai tirelessly sought employment opportunities to support his family, while his wife tended to their children at home. However, he recounted her growing distrust, fueled by suspicions of his infidelity. Muigai attributed her departure to her aversion to criticism and reluctance to address issues directly, often responding defensively and threatening to leave with the children. “My wife’s main issue is believing I have many other women, and she dislikes being criticized. She responds rudely and gets angry when asked about matters concerning her,” he explained. The breaking point occurred on Saturday, March 9th, when Njeri clandestinely packed her belongings and hid them at her married sister’s house nearby. The next day, she left Muigai and their children behind. Despite his attempts to reach out, she refused to answer his calls.