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By | September 1st 2011

There is real reason for Housing Assistant Minister Margaret Wanjiru and Forestry and Wildlife Minister Noah Wekesa to be not just afraid, but veerrrry afraid. There is a wounded, rain-drenched lion coming down the thick Cherangany Hills. Simba Joshua Kuttuny’s jaws are gritted with emotion and was restrained from tearing Wekesa apart.

How dare these two ministers spoil Kuttuny’s big moment to become the rat that finally hung a bell on the neck of the Raila cat that had come calling? Dr Wekesa, please say goodbye to any dreams you nurtured for the governorship of Trans-Nzoia County. As for Wanjiru, let the Lion of Cherangany dry its mane first before deciding your fate. Palaver shall be bringing you live updates on the bout.

So what if Barack Obama’s uncle Onyango Obama was found to have downed one tipple too many, busted a few Mututho laws and even some Michuki Rules? How does a drunken relative with the classic symptoms of: "red glassy eyes, slurred speech and a strong odor of alcohol," according to police tie in with Barack’s suitability for President of the US?

And even though Mr Onyango insisted he had only gulped "two beers" — pssst! All drunks do when caught — shouldn’t he have read the warning label on the bottle that may have read something like: "The crumsumpten of alcohol may mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode"?

Narc-Kenya boss Martha Karua is perturbed that Vice- President Kalonzo Musyoka can suggest that he can push for a 50/50 principle in gender representation in Parliament and other appointments. She is reading mischief and double-speak as the Veep seeks political mileage ahead of 2012 election. Hear the Gichugu MP: "Kama wameshindwa kutupatia 30 per cent, 50/50 ndio watatupatia?" (If they cannot give us 30 per cent, will they manage the 50/50 he is talking of?) Dear Martha, the man is a lawyer, not a mathematician. To lawyers, it is about presentation and bamboozling you with manenos, not facts and figures.

And finally...

Thank you for all your mail, but Palaver refuses to join the debate on whether Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger should change his name to Arsen Whinger. The Club has had him around for 15 years and must have a compelling reason for this. Sorry folks.

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