Peeing in a friend’s beer and the silly things we do

BY GRACE NAKATO

Today, I will be using stories to impart words of wisdom on parenting, fighting and community living.

It is bad enough when your man strays, it is worse when he strays with your brother’s wife. Nassiwa’s brother is a long distance trader who makes frequent trips to Juba, South Sudan. Her husband Okello recently started staying out longer than usual and would pick petty quarrels to deny her conjugal rights.

Kicks and blows

One night she followed him to his local drinking joint and found him in the arms of Nalwoga. Nassiwa descended upon Nalwoga with kicks and blows as Okello scurried into the black night.

When the patrons separated them, Nalwoga asserted that Okello had claimed to be single, and did not mind dating a married woman. Moral of the story, know your relatives and don’t drink in the vicinity of your in-laws.

The scene was different for Namuwaya and Nakweira whose brawl was in broad daylight on a dusty road. Nakweira accused Namuwaya of beating her child. The accusation infuriated Nakweira who proceeded to beat up Namuwaya.

 Soon clothes were in tatters and skin laid bare as Namuwaya is one of those who do not subscribe to underwear.

This caused onlookers to cheer the brawl on and anyone who tried to stop the pair was beaten back by onlookers. Namuwaya soon gave up the fight so as to cover her nakedness and mercifully someone tossed her a shuka She has vowed to revenge “You will see me soon! You will pay for exposing me!”. Moral of the story, forget hair pulling, next time you find yourself in a brawl, strip your foe!

Pelting

Men have always thought the world is their urinal. Drunken men are even worse. Many wives tell a tale of the husband mistaking the baby’s cot for a toilet or even the fridge. Nalule is a local brewer who is renowned for her prowess in brewing.

She keeps various pots in readiness for customers, who sit around a pot with drinking straws in her yard. Birabwa had partaken one sip too many and needed to offload the processed liquid. A nearby fenced off patch with a black hole looked ideal. Nalule was soon screaming and pelting him with stones as she accused him of peeing in her Malwa (beer)stock. 

Clobbered

His fellow boozers did not care to listen to his excuses and he was forced to drink the contaminated brew and pay a Sh500 fine. Moral of the story; men, the world is not your urinal.

Children will forever be fascinated by incidents that embarrass their parents. Imagine you happen across a scene where a crowd of children are cheering and screaming. On getting closer you find your child is in the crowd and excitement is because a couple of ducks are mating.

 I pray you are not like Kivumbi who picked up a big stick and clobbered his 7-year-old son into a coma. Moral of the story, children are curious, remember your childhood and tell kids about the birds and bees early enough.