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Sometimes love just ain’t enough

By By SHIRLEY GENGA | October 7th 2013


I was never the best at physics (I could not do it to save my life). I was that type who got carried away with the Arts and only ended up doing physics because I misguidedly assumed that because my father was a physicist, physics somehow flowed in my veins, and oh wasn’t I shocked.

Anyway, away from the afternoon naps and not so nice grades, if there is one valuable lesson I learnt from physics was that, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Translated to English, what you give is what you should get. 

Very logical expectations you would think, but apparently when it comes to all things love, we are told that we should just be happy that we are in love; that whether things aren’t balancing out shouldn’t be a bother.


How nonsensical to believe that love, for some inexplicable reason, is supposed to be enough, that love can conquer.

Strangely, us women are told that we should give more; that we are the “glue” that holds a relationship together. Translation?

Do not expect much from your man, instead just be very happy with whatever crumbs he gives you, but never tire of giving.

I was once a believer, but these days, I have become an advocate for Newton’s third law of action in all things love.  Sometimes love is just not enough. That is the glaring reality. You may need more and there is nothing wrong with wanting more.

Patti Smith said it best in her 1989 hit song Sometimes love just ain‘t enough.

Example, I used to feel obliged to attend every wedding. I would attend both the church ceremony and reception.

It did not matter how boring or monotonous they were, or how long the speeches were and that things were often said in a language I could not understand (no pan intended). But back then, I was determined to stay from beginning to end, like their was some trophy to be won at the end for best wedding attendee or something!

Then one day, I become “enlightened”. I realised it was not a must — I did not have an obligation to attend every wedding. Plus it was eating into my ‘relax’ time. I mean, seriously, how many weddings can you attend?


So I decided to be attending a few minutes of the church reception and ensured to vigorously wave to the bride and groom.

Or I would sneak in for a few hours at the reception, or better yet buy a gift and have it delivered to the reception, and just pretend I came (the bride and groom never really remembers as they are often too caught up in their won bliss). And you know what? I will not hide in shame!

Lesson learnt: Look at life and at love as a balance sheet; look at what you are giving and at what you are getting in return, and if you are giving 100 and only getting ten or less, I can tell you for free that you are wasting time.

Do not settle for mediocrity in the name of love or living life.

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