Some Kenyans urgently need anger management classes

By OYUNGA PALA

It is easy to find a couple of valid reasons to lash out each day in the city. There are several people, notably parliamentarians and matatu drivers who could do with some righteous anger. I would love to give them a piece of my mind or a good thwack. But I was brought up better. I know how to hold my tongue, keep my cool and walk away.

There was a point to the restraint and refrain. I first learnt this lesson by example. When you are little, causes of distress are channelled to one’s elders who get angry on your behalf. This was considered good behaviour and a mark of good upbringing.

Mob psychology

Eventually, away from the home nest eking out a living in the real world, the high ideals of anger management will be severely challenged by the realities of living in modern Kenya — on a daily basis.

We learn to cope, to move on because reacting in anger generally does not resolve or address the problems. It just creates new drama. Anger has a bush fire quality that renders it uncontrollable, and often it leads to actions that we regret. For average married Joe, it is not even a good idea. The consequences are immediate. The law has a long reach. Reacting in anger will get one hit with a P3 form faster than one can say “ayayayaya!” So many men resort to bottling up and repressing the feelings of pain.

The only outlet becomes the mob, where the numbers can guarantee safety of anonymity. Individual thought is temporarily suspended and the incredible influence of mob psychology takes over. Football offers a regular outlet for bottled up anger. But nothing quite captures the malady like politics, religion and gender.

The anonymity of the individual in a mob acts like a license to behave badly. It works on the simple logic if majority of the people are doing the wrong thing, it ceases to become wrong.

The thinking is replayed everyday on our roads. Between the matatu and 4wd drivers, road bullying is normalised. Courtesy wins one no favours. There is a regular display of unchecked impunity at all levels of society. The incidents come at you like spit fire. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that the recent spectacle of high profile public men losing their cool was packaged as entertainment news.

From Nairobi Governor Evans Kidero now infamous slap that stunned the combative Nairobi’s women’s rep Rachel Shebesh, Nairobi’s Senator Mike Sonko’s abusive rant, directed at radio presenter Caroline Mutoko, to the usual hot air from Hague bound political entourage. In this enlightened age, this level of cheap male bravado is still celebrated.

Provocation

What it illustrates is that there is really no time to rationalise anger. It is easier to snap. To become angry creates a sense of justice, moral righteousness and authority. Any action after that is blamed on the cause of provocation. The act distracts from the real source of the pain to the trigger. When this action continues without censor, it becomes engrained behaviour and culturally accepted.

The accepted notion that allows high social status individuals to get away with the excesses of anger should be called out. We all have justified reasons for anger, but the point of schooling is to learn to disagree without being disagreeable.